Can I Get Any Better?

Over the past week and half we have seen a number of different styles of post. Eliot's rant over growing older, Cory's fictional story, Mada's fear that her condition will never improve. A variety of people, a variety of styles.

I'm here to tell you that shit's weak.

My name, as you know, is Conor O'Brien. You may know me as Springfield High's Homecoming King. You also may know me as the lead in Springfield High's recent musical hit, Chad. You also may know me as the frontman of the award-winning local rock band Band Practice. You also may know me as the Assistant Stage Manager of Muni's Seussical! You may also know me as the Captain of the Easily Amused Improv Troupe. You may know me as the recipient of the Superintendent Award for Drama. You also may know me as the guy you have a crush on. I think you get my point, ladies.

Let's get some things out of the way. I'm really, really talented, and I also don't really try that hard. A lethal combination. That means that I'm naturally going to be better than you at most things, and even when you do manage to beat me at anything your victory will be hollow and meaningless, for I will accept my loss with a mixture of apathy and unscathed overconfidence. So suck it.

As a singer-song writer, I see the world in a different way than normal people do. I view it better. I'm more interesting than the average person, and if I were being sold as a slave, I would probably be worth more than your average person, too. Part of me wants to be captured and sold into modern slavery just so I can prove that last point.

I've learned a lot of things throughout my eighteen years of life. Here are the important bits:

1. If someone's doing something, I should loudly inform them of how they can do it better.

2. If there's a piano, play it.

3. It's completely okay to override anyone who's talking by talking louder than them. What I have to say is probably more interesting, anyway.

4. If a joke I make isn't laughed at, it simply wasn't heard. I will say it again and again, progressively louder, until it earns the reaction it deserves.

5. My stories are all good stories.

I could go on and on about myself. I will, if you want, in real life, but I only have so much time. My time, like my skin, is precious. Sorry my post is more than a hour late. I know you'll forgive me. Peace.

- Conor O'Brien