Will I get any better?

It has come to my attention that it is a Tuesday. Well shit. One thing I like about summer is that you're not always quite sure what day it is so this kind of thing can creep up on you. Luckily, I remembered that today is Tuesday and am therefore bringing you this wonderful post. Anyway, let me get to the point.

I am an incoming college freshman and therefore just finished my senior year of high school. Senior year was unlike anything I had experienced before in many ways, including the way I viewed school work during my senior year. See, when you are a senior, homework takes a backseat to more important things like friends, sports, music and experiencing the world. Saying it like that makes it sound like I am a cultured person who has learned to choose her priorities, but in a lot of ways I was just lazy.

All year, it was incredibly rare for me to show up to school with all of my homework done and ready to go. In fact, the handful of days that I did do that, it was so alien that I did not know how to handle myself during my classes when I was stressing out about what I had to get done before lunch. I was not alone in this however. In fact, most of the the students in my class put the same or less effort into their school work as I did. Luckily, during senior year you can get away with such antics. You can do next to no work at home and still pull off good grades .Unfortunately I don't think that's going to fly in college.

In college I am going to have to start working for my grades again. I am going to have to start studying and researching and writing multiple drafts of the things I turn in. Things I have completely forgotten how to do and am not sure I will be able to just pick back up. Who is to say this "senioritis" is temporary? Who is to say that this isn't just me actually unlearning all my work skills. I really don't think i am going to go to college and just magically remember how to do work. I'm not sure I'm ever going to get better. I think college is about to kick my ass and I'm freaking terrified. I'm not going.

~Mada