Inhibition

--Robert Langellier

Senior year summer is an era more awkward than puberty that I didn’t hear a lot about before it came, not even from my lovely older brother Nick. Growing up you see milestones like first kisses and graduation and marriage in books, movies and television. These are all life-changing events, but all events you can go hang out with your friends and talk about.

Leaving for college is kind of different. It’s one milestone where, depending on where you’re going, you’re almost entirely alone, with a brand new life to keep you company. But I’m not writing another college post, don’t worry. I’m writing a reflection on PRE-college, or the senior summer.

What I’ve noticed about the final summer before college is a gradual (but noticeable) dropping out of my social inhibitions in place of an I-don’t-give-a-FUCK-cause-I’m-going-to-COLLEGE attitude. Just the fact that I’m leaving my home soon gives me the courage to let loose a lot more and stop caring about the lasting impressions I make on both people I know and don’t know. I like that. It’s cool that the way people act (or don’t act) is directly linked to how rooted they are in that specific place. I think that’s why people hook up a lot or do silly silly things on vacation. You’ll never see those people again, so why not throw that Pepsi hand grenade off the indoor balcony? As summer’s progressed, Springfield has started to seem more and more like a vacation I’m on before I head back home to Columbia, Missouri to my dorm husband Dylan and his campus mistress Hillary (they kissed) (twice). I think that’s how it is with a lot of my friends. I’ve seen more friends begin relationships in the last two months before they leave for college than I may ever have. They may never have the opportunity again, so why not go for the kiss or the hand or the boob grab (for the daring), and screw the consequences!

I personally think it’ll be interesting to see how long it takes for me to assimilate back into a normal compulsion/inhibition style of living. I’m assuming I will. I’ll fight it, but I can’t guarantee that I won’t be shy sometime somewhere again. Maybe I’ll even mature lol?

I like to compare the scenario to a turtle race because I promised to include turtles in this post. Inhibitions (or the turtles’ speed) really don’t affect you at first because you’re too pumped with adrenaline for the onset of summer (the beginning of the race). Eventually, though, you start to realize that your inhibitions are baseless and are simply holding you back from your potential (turtles are really slow and boring). Come the end of the summer (turtle race), you’ve finally done away with your inhibitions (who cares how slow the turtles are? What The Shell is about to win! Whoo!) and you feel great.

College isn’t coming anymore; it’s here. My giant list of people to visit and debts to repay by tomorrow is showing me that. My attachments are still alive and strong, but I’ve let go of a lot of them, and I feel okay with leaving. So here I am, about to do one of the most significant things I’ve ever done, and I’ve had approximately two months to let go of the only home I’ve ever known. I’m almost there.