Grunlik - A TROLL IS NOTHING WITHOUT HIS BRIDGE

When one encounters a horrible troll, how does one judge him? Do you think that they are impressed by his foul stench, by the ugliness of his warts, or by the cleverness of his riddles? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK, FOOLISH HUMAN? I assert that, nay, a troll should be judged by the beauty of his bridge. THIS IS WHY GRUNLIK KEEPS HIS BRIDGE BEAUTIFUL.

So many trolls in this day and age let their bridges fall into grimy disuse. THESE ARE INFERIOR TROLLS AND I WILL CRUSH THEM. When a human needs to cross a bridge, they do not cross the slimy, ramshackle bridges. They want to cross sturdy and clean bridges. THIS IS WHY THEY CROSS GRUNLIK'S BRIDGE.

And once they have ventured halfway across my bridge, then Grunlik can appear from underneath and tell Grunlik's riddle. And Grunlik can see the intimidation in their eyes. THEY FEAR GRUNLIK. They see that Grunlik has the cleverest riddle, the hairiest warts, and, most importantly, the most beautiful bridge.

GRUNLIK'S BRIDGE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

Many inferior trolls do not take care of their bridges. Grunlik would like to ask these trolls, "HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN A BEAUTIFUL MAIDEN CROSSES YOUR BRIDGE?" When a beautiful maiden crosses Grunlik's bridge, he knows that she respects Grunlik because of Grunlik's excellent bridge. GRUNKLIK'S BRIDGE IS THE BEST OF ALL BRIDGES.

However, still no maidens want to stay under Grunlik's bridge with Grunlik. WHY DO MAIDENS NOT CARE FOR GRUNLIK? GRUNLIK IS THE HANDSOMEST OF TROLLS. Many maidens pass over Grunlik's bridge, but they do not want to stay with Grunlik. Many answer Grunlik's riddle and move on with their stick-like human knight. HE CANNOT PROTECT YOU. HE IS SKINNY LIKE A STICK. GRUNLIK COULD SNAP HIS BODY LIKE A CANDY CANE. Many times they cannot answer Grunlik's riddle, and Grunlik has to gobble them up. This makes Grunlik sad because they are so pretty, and they have no meat on their bones so they are tough and chewy.

GRUNLIK HAS RAN OUT OF WORDS TO SAY. Grunlik does not understand why you humans write so many words.

GRUNLIK'S BRIDGE IS THE GREATEST BRIDGE. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BRIDGES. HUMAN MAIDENS SHOULD PUT SOME MEAT ON THEIR BONES FOR WHEN GRUNLIK GOBBLES THEM UP.

SLIMELY YOURS,
GRUNLIK
(-Nick.)