Nick - Kids' Show

It's me, Herbert The Clown! I'm your host on today's episode of HERBERT'S HAPPY HOUR! Sit down and wipe the snot off of your stupid noses, because I've got a great episode for you today!!

We're going to learn about colors!

This is the color "green"! Green is the color that grass grows, or the color that Herbert's garden grows in his basement!

This is the color "blue"! Blue is the color of the sky! Blue is also the color you feel when you are sad. Blue is how Herbert has been feeling since the divorce!

This is the color "my bitch ex-wife"! Bitch ex-wife is the color of a cheating whore!

Oh, look at that, kids! We're all out of time for colors! Time to go to our Word-of-the-day Corner!! We've got three special words for you today!!

Loneliness!

Our first word for you today is "loneliness"! Loneliness is what you feel when you have no one you can go to for support. You can tell when you're feeling lonely because you don't have anyone around you, or because you're drinking a bottle of gin by yourself at 7:30 on a Tuesday night!

Alimony!

"Alimony" is the invention of the devil! It's when you have to pay your ex-wife, even though she's a good-for-nothing cheating trollop who's never worked in her life!

Suicide!!

Our last word for you today is "suicide"! Suicide is what you feel when you're tired of life, and just want to end it all! This morning I woke up and realized that I've done nothing with my life! My parents kicked me out of their basement! I've got no money! Stay in school, kids, or else you'll end up like ol' Herbert!

I know we're only fifteen minutes into the show, but Herbert has to get going! His drinking buddy is here!

So long, kids, and I'll see you next week! That is, if I'm still around!

...You whiny little fuckers.

-Herbert

(Nick and Ben Dietrich.)