Irrational Fears

by Brendan Cavanagh

I have three irrational fears. But if you take into account the events that precipitated each fear, then maybe they're not so irrational.  Maybe...they are, in fact, rational.

Band-Aids

Growing up, my family returned every summer to the Knights of Columbus pool.  Once I hit puberty, I became dissatisfied with the maximum depth of the pool- four feet, four inches.  But I kept going anyway.  One year, I decided, "Hey I should wear goggles underwater so my eyes won't burn and I'll be able to accurately see what goes on down there!"  What was I thinkinnnnnggg?  Upon donning those goggles I was exposed to the invisible filth of the floor of the pool, and somehow that floating around on top and in the corners- hair, garbage and BAND-AIDS!!  I felt like the people in Plato's allegory of the cave, unable to return to my prior state of innocence and blindness.  I don't even like to wear fresh band-aids anymore.  I'm scarred for life, and that is a wound that cannot be healed with the help of a band-aid.

Opening Presents in Front of the Giver

Don't get me wrong, I love receiving presents.  But I have this inexplicable anxiety when I have to open them in front of the person who gave them to me during the mandatory present-opening ceremony that takes place at every one of my family birthday parties.  I guess I feel like my display of enthusiasm and appreciation is too phony, and I think in a way my anxiety actually does make my zeal less believable.  I get so worried that the giver will think they've chosen the wrong gift and thus pity themselves and their gift selection.  I think it all started when I was a kid and my aunt gave me a copy of N*Sync's No Strings Attached, which I already had.  I definitely appreciated the gesture, but I couldn't being myself to admit that I already had it.  She asked me if I had it yet and I replied with a half-hearted "No!." but I think she figured it out.

Ziploc Bags With Air Still in Them

Just don't like 'em.  Weird-looking.  Also I worry about conservation of space in the fridge.