Makeup

I like girls who don't wear makeup. Or, I guess, girls that don't usually wear makeup. I'd rather see who you are than be forced to ponder the difference between what you are and what you want to be. Sure, you look a little better, but you look a little weaker, too.

Fluffy appearances are a suffocating problem. They aren't limited to people. They aren't really limited at all. Everything eventually takes on a fluffy appearance to make itself appear better. It's not that we're disappointed in what we have, we just know that with a couple snazzy facades, people will think us better than we really are and we won't have to admit to them the difference, unless of course it's in an environment where they'll understand the reasoning.

I work at a country club. The country club — where old ladies wearing as much frosting as would rival their late embalmed peers come to speak the foreign language of bridge — is an ode to makeup. At the club, we're all about appearing to be on top of everything. You have needs? We uh, have 'em covered. Or something like that. We'll make it look like we do. We want people coming into our restaurant to feel like they're at some superior place. They're not. They're at a restaurant who can afford to pay a better chef. This is true because they're giving us obscene amounts of money to be able to come and give us more obscene amounts of money via dinner checks. So only they can belong there. So they can feel superior. Because they look pretty in that makeup.

I just got back from seeing the X-Men: First Class for the second time. A lot of the movie is about not hiding who you are and blah blah blah. But all I could think of the whole damn time was the popcorn in my hands. I was furious. Here I am at a five dollar movie, holding popcorn that cost $7.75. Yep, eight dollars for a bag of popcorn; five dollars for a movie ticket. First I wanted to spit on the lady that sold it to me, but that wouldn't do any good. I just would love the chance to talk to the person hiking those prices on a (seemingly) monthly basis. I just want to ask them why they keep raising the prices, you know? I want to dare them to give an answer other than "because we can." Because they can. They can charge you whatever the hell they want to for popcorn. If you buy it, you're an idiot. Buying movie theater popcorn is not only selling out to the man, but shelling out eight dollars to him as well. I did this today. I feel terrible about it. The popcorn in my stomach sits broodingly, as if it was a friend whose trust I had betrayed that I had eaten. If I could eat that feeling, it would taste like this popcorn. And what's more fascist of them, you can only get refills only on large sized items. Really? What's the reasoning behind that? Because they can.

I wish people knew me. I wish people cared what I thought. I wish I was a politician with some clout of any kind. If I was a famous songwriter, if I was a comedian at any venue, basically if I had any better way of bitching about this I would, but all I have is you, blogger: movie theaters are evil. They charge you ten bucks a movie, eight dollars a popcorn, six dollars a soda, and I lost my wallet their once and that had $60 in it. When I went back for it they hadn't seen it, but they probably used it to buy that stupid Green Lantern pop-up that currently occupies a corner of the main lobby. They use their exclusivity to hike their prices, because unfortunately, people will always care to see good movies in their finest venue. Instead of competing with lower prices, other movie theaters simply raise their prices and ride the waves of profit.

And the thing is, we act like it's reasonable. They act like it's fair for you give them $15 for a snack and a drink. We take it like a bitch and give in to their reassuring fake smiles. AMC Theaters should be protested or burned down or something, not allowed to pass off their indefensible greed as response to market turns. Once you remove the makeup, you notice they're robbing you at gunpoint.

When Tina Pham makes her Facebook status "I hate fake people" and 84 of her friends "like" it, you'd think that those kids are supporting an idea they share. But they can't be. Tina Pham is a fake person, at least to a degree. She doesn't know 3700 people as friends, she likes the mutual gain that is the  acceptance of having an army of Facebook buddies in exchange for the normality of being Tina Pham's friend. The mutual gain of makeup is that we don't have to broach the awkward parts of life in exchange for allowing things to be the way they shouldn't.

The government wears makeup, the board of education wears makeup, the higher-ups wear makeup. It makes them look prettier; they're not. ESPN wears makeup. The Catholic church wears makeup. LeBron James wears makeup. The devil wears makeup. Sacred Heart-Griffin wears makeup. Every smug bastard that has looked at you with a smile and told you something to keep you in line is wearing makeup.

God damn, that sure does look awful on you.

--Eliot Sill