Nick - Sonic Adventure 2: Battle

Some of you might think that the best thing is friends or free alcohol or love, but really the best thing is Sonic Adventure 2: Battle.

SA2:B is a poorly-received Gamecube re-release of a sequel of a poorly-received Dreamcast launch title which also eventually received a poorly-received Gamecube re-release.

It is also the greatest game of all time.

SA2:B really went all out on its tragically misguided but inexplicably flawless soundtrack. The game's main themes consist of 80's reminiscent power chord heavy tracks accompanied by some hilariously overacted vocals. However, the series took a different turn on the levels featuring Knuckles (Who was apparently at some point designated Sonic's black friend) and opted to go with some sick Knuckles rap.

Also worth mentioning are the shamelessly uninspired characters, which further contribute to the perfect experience that is SA2:B. Sega takes Sonic, our beloved decade-old standby of video gaming fame, and guts his character, turning him into an arrogant, cocky douchebag, never far from throwing out a "cool" one-liner. Dr Robotnik has been renamed Eggman. Zing! Take that, Dr Robotnik and video game fans everywhere! Lucky, though, this controversial decision only further enhances what is essentially the perfect use of my time.

The game also includes a couple of new characters. Rogue the Bat is introduced. She is the world's greatest gem collector, only she's also an evil henchman of Dr Eggman, or maybe she's a secret agent? Okay, maybe I don't actually know who she is. More important is Shadow the Hedgehog, Sonic's angsty teenage twin with a dark, mysterious past. Also he dies but then inexplicably isn't dead and receives his own poorly-received spin-off.

You had better be listening to these, dammit.

Now we need to discuss the gameplay! The game is divided into three types of stages: Sonic and Shadow stages, which involve running really fast in classic Sonic style. These are sometimes really fun, and they get less fun as you advance in the game. Then there are Tail and Eggman levels, which involve moving slowly in a burly machine while shooting everything in sight, running contrary to everything involved in the classic Sonic style. These are not fun, and they get less fun as you advance in the game. Lastly there are Knuckles and Rogue levels, which involve searching tediously for items on large stages. These suck. They also get less fun as you advance in the game.

Far more important than the actual game is a side quest which allows you to raise and train your Chao, which are tiny, cute creatures that can be trained into destructive monsters to do your bidding. This aspect of the game will be the subject of a subsequent post. 

SA2:B is remarkable for its ability to not only be the greatest game ever made, but to do so while sending everything that classic Sonic fans know and love hurtling out the window at the same time. Good thing I wasn't a classic Sonic fan!

I have sunk hours and hours into this game, and so has Conor O'Brien. I will sink more hours into this game in the future. I would say more about why it's the best game ever bestowed to mortal man, but, well, I'm pretty sure I've convinced you. 

-Nick.