Approximately How I Feel About Salads

They're alright. I mean, you could do better than a salad, unless it's a really good salad, in which case maybe you couldn't do better, because salads have stuff other things cannot provide. If you have a salad, you won't find all of the qualities of a salad improved upon in the form of a steak. You'll have a steak, but you'll also have a negative salad. Because you traded in your salad. But then again, some salads are weak and not worthwhile. So which salads are the best ones to choose? That's up to you. I like expensive salads, but I don't like the expense required to obtain one. So salads, they're okay. Because they have good things and bad things. They could be better but could also, obviously, be worse. The thing is when you're eating a salad is that if you were eating something else, you'd be doing what most everyone else is doing, because most of the things people eat aren't salads. Usually they're eating breakfast food, or chicken.

Dressings are good for salads in the way that gas is good for cars. A salad cannot physically move anywhere without dressing. It can't move anywhere with dressing, but at least there's something alive in there. Chicken, as Conor stated, is really good in salads. But don't worry about justification, because if you're eating a salad, most likely nobody cares. Most salads are eaten without anyone giving a single fuck. The eater of the salad may have a sense of comfort from having just eaten a salad, but then again, who is he going to tell? Because that could only come off as conceited. There are some really great things about salad, but there is nothing terrible about salads. They fail to break you down while building you up however much you allow them to. But you could allow them to not build you up at all, if you put a lot of fatty items in them.

Fruit salads, those aren't even salads. I'm talking about a meat salad. Where you put chicken and beef and pork together, with a mixture of nuts and maybe one specific type of lettuce. Chase down your throat with milk and you'll get the fullest nutritional value.

Some things about salads aren't even worth talking about; like the forks. Salad forks are special forks. What other food items have put in the work to split one of the three main silverware items to split forms for the purpose of accommodating that single item? Answer: soup. Soups and salads are special because they necessitate additional silverware. So, that's something that other foods (chicken, ice cream, toast) cannot claim. Now I know what you're thinking: what about butter spreaders? We shouldn't count those because butter spreaders are a staple of country club dining, but are best used for crackers and they already have butter knives to ... oh, I almost forgot steak! Soup, salad and steak. That's six silverware items on your plate!

Salads have contributed to society.

--Eliot Sill