Conor - Exactly How I Feel About Salads

Salads are decent! Sometimes I'm like 'man, I really want a salad,' and sometimes when I think about what I want to eat soon, salads don't even cross my mind!

I only sortof want to eat this

For those of you who just tuned in, this post is about salads.

According to the first thing that comes up when you google "salad definition" a salad is a dish of raw leafy vegetables, often  tossed with pieces of other raw or cooked vegetables, fruit, cheese or other ingredients and served with a dressing. That's true! If you want more factual information on this stuff, the wikipedia page on salads is exactly as boring as you think it is.

There are tons and tons of different types of lettuce and leafy vegetables that can serve as the foundation of a salad. Don't really worry yourself about picking a specific kind! Pretty much no matter what you choose I bet it's going to end up tasting like a salad. Salads are hard to fuck up. I guess if someone had a gun to my head, and was demanding lots of specific information on the ingredients that would make up my ideal salad, I would end up choosing a crispy kind of lettuce, but hey. I don't really care.

Chicken is good in salads if you find yourself with a salad but you're also like "I'm kind of disappointed by what I'm about to eat." Chicken somehow justifies the salad.

Raisins! Man, raisins are really good in salads in turns out. Some people like cheese in their salads, but seeing as how I don't like cheese to begin with, liking cheese in my salad would be silly, because salads don't improve cheese. Salads don't really improve anything.

Oh shit. Ooooooh shit.

Salads do provide me with a socially acceptable way to consume lots and lots of Italian dressing, though. I would drink this shit straight, if my parents would continue to buy it after they discovered that we were running through this salad dressing so quickly because I was drinking cups of it a day. I don't think they'd do that. Dressing, man, fuck. It is unreasonably delicious. Except for that bullshit ranch dressing. Italian, balsamic vinaigrette, raspberry vinaigrette, these are all solid choices. Drench the whole thing in dressing. Negate any possible opportunity to feel good about yourself because you had a salad for dinner or whatever. Screw that, you had a side of salad, the main course was whatever the hell makes up salad dressing. That's a subject for another day though.

After writing this I actually do want a salad. I'm surprised by this. I want a salad in a theoretical sense. I'm about to go to bed, and when I wake up I bet I'll end up wanting something better than a salad for lunch.

Such as really anything other than a salad.

Salads: B-
Dressing: A