Saturday, March 2, 2013

I'll write for whatever fucking blog I want


~ by robert langellier ~


Looks like you dickbags are at unofficial right now.

I can tell because:

nice one, Mada
In France we don't have holidays. Mardi Gras? Nah. St. Patrick's Day? Do they have Irish wine? Nah, okay nah.

I'm not jealous. Unofficial last year was one of the worst experiences I've ever been technically a part of. I trust it's going equally badly for all you suckers. I don't need to be jealous. No, I'm much happier here. It's much quieter, and I can work, and Kristian got me all this wine before he left for EuroTour 2013.

While you guys are busy being wasted little socialites, I'm happily holing up. My roommates all left for vacation, and I've been avoiding all possible contact with these visiting friends from Brussels. You're here for the whole weekend? Yeah, sure, definitely we'll find time to meet up and hang out. Hahahahah. People are drags, and if they're not properly pissed off or completely calm then they're not particularly inspiring. They're not as complicated as these mindbending games of solitaire and they don't blow soft currents of wind on your palms as you shuffle and fold them into each other.

I read something on the internet today that if you're ever feeling down about yourself, imagine that someone somewhere has masturbated to the thought of you. Then I thought, taking into account the few people for whom that is not the case, the sum of sad negativity there still far outweighs the sum comfort taken by the masturbatees. I hope I'm on the right side. Please confirm in the comments.

There are shreds of cardboard all over my room.

Man I'm not even drunk, I'm just shitty.
at

6 comments:

  1. GarrettMarch 3, 2013 at 5:55 AM

    This is actually pretty terrific.

    " #unofficialabroad" was happening about 10 minutes from my sick bed. I felt like sophomore year/junior year/fuck-it-all-of-college diseased Robert., and then I read that when you smoke a cigaretted, the cilia in your lungs is paralyzed for 10-15 minutes, eliminating the ability to filter air or cough the gunk out. So frankly, I'm terrified, and you have a dozen Lucky Strikes coming your way in a few days. I'm also stocking the fridge with beer and wine and sangria and food because, although I have not masturbated to you, I highly value your existence, no matter how shitty.

    But feelings are gay, so suck it up and hitchhike your reclusive ass down here so we can fiesta

    ReplyDelete
  2. GFTMarch 3, 2013 at 5:56 AM

    cigaretted is my new favorite verb

    ReplyDelete
  3. RobertMarch 3, 2013 at 10:31 AM

    hey man you want to cigarette?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Classic BrianMarch 3, 2013 at 9:49 PM

    you're dumb and boring

    - Conor hates you

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousMarch 22, 2013 at 12:11 PM

    Hey if it makes you feel better my unofficial was shitty!!! The shittiest!!!

    ~Larn

    ReplyDelete