From the moment David Stern decreed that Derrick Rose was the No. 1 selection as chosen by the Bulls, Chicago's prodigious point guard has seen his career arc steadily rise with little alteration other than the slight (but expected) quiver of a botched crunch-time sequence or playoff defeat.
One thing Chicagoans could count on throughout the past four years: Derrick Rose was becoming a superstar.
Never had his output yielded any forthcoming of doubt or shrinkage of potential, his ceiling remained at a staggering height as he made drive after scintillating drive of contortion and finesse.
He showed toughness, too. He'd sink a backbreaking jumper (the length of which kept extending, at a rate that made it seem imaginable that he would be hitting half-courters with regularity by the time he turned 30) just when the United Center crowd would be begging for some to throw a dagger into the opponent's throat; he'd get mad at the referees — an anger shared by his true-hometown crowd — and play better because of it; he never made ceremony of demanding the ball in the game's final possessions, he just did it.
That steady career incline came to a jarring halt on April 28, 2012. With 1:10 left in the fourth quarter of Saturday's playoff-opening rout, the faith in the future held by Bulls fans turned back to hope, or worse yet — mere optimism. Simply put, we don't know where things go from here.
Derrick was developing in all facets. He was becoming smarter, he was shooting better, he was leading better, and even casting himself better in a social light (the cover of GQ, my man!). He was developing a competitive entitlement that nearly always produces championships out of players of his caliber. The ACL tear he sustained in Saturday's game is sure to compel Derrick to grow up further. But growing up doesn't mean winning NBA titles.
Who Derrick Rose is doesn't really matter. The basketball lover in me will be forever thankful (even if the injury's severity had required amputation of his leg) for the sheer entertainment Derrick brought the region of Chicago with the incredulity-inducing acrobatics he displayed on the court. I don't care if he is sheltered, boring, and a lesser superstar. The Bulls lover in me was just hoping he would be the kind of sheltered, boring, lesser superstar that retired with championship rings on his farewell-waving fingers.
Not to say that his career is over — he's 23. This injury, however, has cast his career into a frontier of sorts that haven't necessarily been played out in front of us. Remember that time Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Tim Duncan and Dwyane Wade all tore their ACLs before leading their teams to multiple titles? There's your path, D-Rose. Make it and walk it at the same time.
April 28, 2012 is a day Derrick Rose, along with his passionately adoring fans, will not forget. It will be remembered as the day "adversity" became more than just a synonym for the Miami Heat. It will be remembered as Rose's first backward step.
The impending recovery process will not let the injury be forgotten, at least not for about calendar year. From here on, it will be a journey to full strength, a detour the Bulls were under the impression they had just completed, not one they had just begun. The offseason will be mildly encouraging progress reports, and in certain moments some of us may forget that Rose is inactive. In free agency and the draft, the Bulls will ask themselves if C.J. Watson is a viable enough backup while Rose stocks up on fancy suits. Rose will employ this new wardrobe in the preseason and in the beginning games of the regular year.
We will be more frequently updated about his health, until it is to a countdown, and then Derrick will start getting into shape, working out and finally practicing. The media will volley questions around without possibly being able to answer them: Is Derrick Rose going to be the same? Can this story end like we were
sure it was going to — in a league title and a heroic legacy? He will suit up, return to his spot in the lineup as the franchise face and last introduced at home games, and he will likely receive a tipoff from an amped-up Joakim Noah's fingers.
And sometime between when Noah smacks the ball and when Derrick retrieves it, the sports world will think back to Saturday's game and the tragedy of uncertainty will finally be felt, as a question will unanimously come into the minds of those watching who care:
Was April 28, 2012, the unlikely beginning of Derrick Rose's story or the bitter, bitter end?
--Eliot Sill
Showing posts with label Derrick Rose. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Derrick Rose. Show all posts
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Thursday, April 21, 2011
All things NBA
Oh my God if you don't like basketball you'll hate this.
Okay, the playoffs are in full motion. The NBA playoffs are a beautiful but imperfect tournament that provides me with dozens of hours of entertainment every year. I love the NBA playoffs more than I do March Madness. Why? Simple: better basketball. People always talk about the atmosphere in March Madness and how it's so great, when really it's so-so, in terms of fan emotion. March madness does have a greater sense of urgency and player emotion, but a lot of that has to do with the fact that we're watching kids out there. The fans are really watered down from regular season play because the student bodies are not as prevalent due to the neutral locations. Meanwhile, NBA fans pack their local stadiums to watch the best players in the world play the best basketball in the world. Sorry kids, that's unbeatable.
I mentioned earlier, though, that the NBA playoffs aren't perfect; they're not. The first round has so much fail-potential. March Madness is perfect for this reason. There's no way you can watch March Madness and not be entertained. In the NBA, however, there's so many chances for less-than-perfection. More teams make it into the NCAA tournament, but there are more games played in the NBA playoffs (15 series', between 4-7 games per series, as opposed to 67 games). So you get to see the teams more, they're better, the games are just as exciting, but it lacks the key that makes March irresistible: the upsets. The NBA playoffs are characteristically predictable, but that doesn't make them less enjoyable.
People watched in amazement as Connecticut and Butler put on an abysmal showing in the NCAA Championship game, shooting a little for a ton on both counts, and presenting a blowout to fans as the lasting memory of a crappy 2010-11 season. Meanwhile, the NBA irons it out to benefit the later rounds, making sure that the NBA Finals are going to figure out the absolute best basketball team in the world.
Each NBA series though is worthy of interest in some form or another. Here's my breakdown of every matchup. (Sigh, said the person still reading for solidarity.)
1. Chicago Bulls v. 8. Indiana Pacers (CHI leads 2-0)
The lovable hometown favorite. I say "lovable" because I love them and so should you. The Bulls function like your favorite superhero, Batman. They have the will, the talent, the gadgets and the swagger to get the job done, but not by making it look easy. Derrick Rose leads the team against an Indiana Pacers squad that aspires to little more than stub Chicago's toe on their way to the next rounds. The Pacers have been a thorn in Chicago's ass, and it shows, as my brother is a panicky mess, worrying about teams like Orlando and Atlanta, let alone Boston or Miami. But the Bulls are designed to win close games. They had less wins by 10+ points (28) than Miami (33), despite winning 4 more games. The Bulls win because Derrick Rose closes the game out like no one in the league right now, and if I'm Indiana, I expect to play like this against Chicago. If the Pacers get a game in Indianapolis, I remain unworried.
Indiana's version of Joakim Noah — Tyler Hansbrough — is proving utterly hatable to everyone but Pacers fans, and the rest of the Pacers are following his scrappy lead. The only advantage held by the Pacers is at center, where Roy Hibbert is too big for Noah to handle. Luol Deng is a reasonable match for Danny Granger, but the real mismatch is at point guard. Derrick Rose is simply too much for the Pacers, and we'll definitely see Chicago advancing within a week or so.
4. Orlando Magic v. 5. Atlanta Hawks (Series TIED 1-1)
This is one of two candidates for playoff series' that don't matter. Orlando made the NBA Finals in 2009, but got beaten handily by Los Angeles and hasn't had as good of a team since. Atlanta, meanwhile, has been a hilariously pathetic team in the playoffs, getting swept out of the last two postseasons in the second round each time. I wouldn't mind seeing them suffer a similar fate (and frankly, that's possible), but it remains to be seen if they can beat Orlando. The window is closing for this Magic team, and Dwight Howard might want out sooner rather than later if Orlando can't muster a first round win. Atlanta, meanwhile, has held the same nucleus of guys (minus a Mike Bibby or two) for the last three years and has been pathetic in the postseason each time. There window is also closing. Two good teams. Neither of them great. The NBA doesn't want to see either of these teams make a run, so you shouldn't either.
2. Miami Heat v. 7. Philadelphia 76ers (MIA leads 2-0)
The Heat shook off some jitters in Game 1 to overtake Philly, and then dominated them in Game 2. Philadelphia is overmatched in this series, because Philadelphia sucks. They somehow have managed an over-.500 record in the regular season. There prize is to get whupped by the Heat. They might steal a game at home, but I'd put my money on Miami thwomping them twice and making Philadelphia wonder why it can't put Michael Vick on its basketball team (HELLUVA POINT GUARD).
3. Boston Celtics v. 6. New York Knicks (BOS leads 2-0)
Everyone wants this to be a good series, including these two teams. They want to hate each other. They're Boston and New York, they have to hate each other. New York once again has star power (other than Isiah Thomas thank God) with Carmelo Anthony, who will try to take on a real-functioning basketball team with more than just a clusterfuck of stars as we've seen in New York and Miami. Amare, Carmelo and the gang have pretty much asked Boston to become rivals and Boston has responded by just repeatedly beating them in close games. The NBA equivalent of holding the pipsqueek kid back by his head as he swings pathetically under your arm. I think the Knicks can win two games in this series, maybe three even if they hold serve at home, but I definitely don't see them coming back.
That's the Eastern Conference. Here's the West.
1. San Antonio Spurs v. Memphis Grizzlies (Series TIED 1-1)
In the first major upset game of the postseason, the Grizzlies ousted the Manu Ginobili-less Spurs on their home court. The Grizzlies are wonderful, despite the fact that they're from Memphis. I think, personally, that it wouldn't be farfetched for Memphis to upend San Antonio in the first round. San Antonio's old. They're offensively excellent, but defensively lacking and aging faster than wood (which actually holds its age quite well). The Grizzlies are solid all around, and have been on the cusp of the postseason for a few years now. Don't expect them to go quietly. Fuck it, I'm taking the Grizzlies in 6.
4. Oklahoma City Thunder v. Denver Nuggets (OKC leads 2-0)
Fuck this series. I reeeeally like both of these teams. They rank 1 and 2 in my "teams I'm rooting for if the Bulls die in the playoffs" rankings. Denver is No. 1, and this is all because they traded away Melo. They've got ten guys (Felton, Lawson, Afflalo [get healthy!], Smith, Chandler, Gallinari, Martin, Harrington, Anderson, Nene) who I love to watch playing in their too-deep rotation, and none of them are all that damn good. This results in a bunch of dudes trying to be as awesome as possible, akin to the 2007 Warriors that set my heart ablaze all (four of) those years ago.
Meanwhile, the Thunder have this new hipster fanbase that's going crazy because the state of Oklahoma finally has a professional sports team, they've got Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, both of whom are tantalizing scorers with swag to match. They've got the scowl in Kendrick Perkins and Serge "I-blocka" (Ibaka) banging in the low post*, add James Harden's awesome playoff beard/mohawk and you've got an equally supercharged team that lights up the scoreboard and burns tons of highlight tape. This series has gone OKC's way so far, but I'd be shocked if it was over before it got back there. I think Denver can stretch it out, but OKC has the advantage and shouldn't fuck it up. Thunder in 6/7.
2. Los Angeles Lakers v. 7. New Orleans Hornets (Series TIED 1-1)
Get outta here. New Orleans is playing their asses off and still got beat by a sorta-trying LA team. I really like New Orleans' heart, and I think they can take a game on their homecourt, but they don't stand a chance against an LA team that so clearly overmatches them. Chris Paul is fantastic, and when he's on, is as fun as anybody to watch. However, the Lakers have too much size, too many 3-point shooters and too many Kobe Bryant's for the Hornets to feasibly win this series. In a lovely underdog story, the Hornets lose Game 7.
3. Dallas Mavericks v. 6. Portland Trailblazers (DAL leads 2-0)
The winner of the "doesn't matter" award, this series is pretty damn boring. Dallas and Portland have no fun rivalry to draw from, no outstanding star players to duel, and no realistic Finals chances for either team.
So why watch this series?
Well, Dirk shoots one of the prettiest slash ugliest jumpers in the world, and watching him is amazing. The Mavericks also have several high-octane energy guys that can make a game fun to watch. The Blazers will try to out-tough the Mavs, and will probably come up short. Having said that, I think this series goes six games before the Mavs run into the buzzsaw that is the LA Lakers.
So, that's what the first round of the playoffs looks like. I am in the process of loving it, and will continue to do so until a champion is crowned in June. Hell yeah.
As for further predictions (because I'm pretty sure Classic Brian would fire me if I wrote another lengthy sports post like this one), I'm just going to say Lakers over Thunder, Bulls over Celtics, Bulls beat the Lakers in the Finals in six games. Derrick Rose will not be denied.
Anyway it's super late and I only got three hours of sleep in the past 40 hours, so I'm gonna work on that.
Sorry this was late.
--Eliot Sill
Okay, the playoffs are in full motion. The NBA playoffs are a beautiful but imperfect tournament that provides me with dozens of hours of entertainment every year. I love the NBA playoffs more than I do March Madness. Why? Simple: better basketball. People always talk about the atmosphere in March Madness and how it's so great, when really it's so-so, in terms of fan emotion. March madness does have a greater sense of urgency and player emotion, but a lot of that has to do with the fact that we're watching kids out there. The fans are really watered down from regular season play because the student bodies are not as prevalent due to the neutral locations. Meanwhile, NBA fans pack their local stadiums to watch the best players in the world play the best basketball in the world. Sorry kids, that's unbeatable.
I mentioned earlier, though, that the NBA playoffs aren't perfect; they're not. The first round has so much fail-potential. March Madness is perfect for this reason. There's no way you can watch March Madness and not be entertained. In the NBA, however, there's so many chances for less-than-perfection. More teams make it into the NCAA tournament, but there are more games played in the NBA playoffs (15 series', between 4-7 games per series, as opposed to 67 games). So you get to see the teams more, they're better, the games are just as exciting, but it lacks the key that makes March irresistible: the upsets. The NBA playoffs are characteristically predictable, but that doesn't make them less enjoyable.
People watched in amazement as Connecticut and Butler put on an abysmal showing in the NCAA Championship game, shooting a little for a ton on both counts, and presenting a blowout to fans as the lasting memory of a crappy 2010-11 season. Meanwhile, the NBA irons it out to benefit the later rounds, making sure that the NBA Finals are going to figure out the absolute best basketball team in the world.
Each NBA series though is worthy of interest in some form or another. Here's my breakdown of every matchup. (Sigh, said the person still reading for solidarity.)
1. Chicago Bulls v. 8. Indiana Pacers (CHI leads 2-0)
The lovable hometown favorite. I say "lovable" because I love them and so should you. The Bulls function like your favorite superhero, Batman. They have the will, the talent, the gadgets and the swagger to get the job done, but not by making it look easy. Derrick Rose leads the team against an Indiana Pacers squad that aspires to little more than stub Chicago's toe on their way to the next rounds. The Pacers have been a thorn in Chicago's ass, and it shows, as my brother is a panicky mess, worrying about teams like Orlando and Atlanta, let alone Boston or Miami. But the Bulls are designed to win close games. They had less wins by 10+ points (28) than Miami (33), despite winning 4 more games. The Bulls win because Derrick Rose closes the game out like no one in the league right now, and if I'm Indiana, I expect to play like this against Chicago. If the Pacers get a game in Indianapolis, I remain unworried.
Indiana's version of Joakim Noah — Tyler Hansbrough — is proving utterly hatable to everyone but Pacers fans, and the rest of the Pacers are following his scrappy lead. The only advantage held by the Pacers is at center, where Roy Hibbert is too big for Noah to handle. Luol Deng is a reasonable match for Danny Granger, but the real mismatch is at point guard. Derrick Rose is simply too much for the Pacers, and we'll definitely see Chicago advancing within a week or so.
4. Orlando Magic v. 5. Atlanta Hawks (Series TIED 1-1)
This is one of two candidates for playoff series' that don't matter. Orlando made the NBA Finals in 2009, but got beaten handily by Los Angeles and hasn't had as good of a team since. Atlanta, meanwhile, has been a hilariously pathetic team in the playoffs, getting swept out of the last two postseasons in the second round each time. I wouldn't mind seeing them suffer a similar fate (and frankly, that's possible), but it remains to be seen if they can beat Orlando. The window is closing for this Magic team, and Dwight Howard might want out sooner rather than later if Orlando can't muster a first round win. Atlanta, meanwhile, has held the same nucleus of guys (minus a Mike Bibby or two) for the last three years and has been pathetic in the postseason each time. There window is also closing. Two good teams. Neither of them great. The NBA doesn't want to see either of these teams make a run, so you shouldn't either.
2. Miami Heat v. 7. Philadelphia 76ers (MIA leads 2-0)
The Heat shook off some jitters in Game 1 to overtake Philly, and then dominated them in Game 2. Philadelphia is overmatched in this series, because Philadelphia sucks. They somehow have managed an over-.500 record in the regular season. There prize is to get whupped by the Heat. They might steal a game at home, but I'd put my money on Miami thwomping them twice and making Philadelphia wonder why it can't put Michael Vick on its basketball team (HELLUVA POINT GUARD).
3. Boston Celtics v. 6. New York Knicks (BOS leads 2-0)
Everyone wants this to be a good series, including these two teams. They want to hate each other. They're Boston and New York, they have to hate each other. New York once again has star power (other than Isiah Thomas thank God) with Carmelo Anthony, who will try to take on a real-functioning basketball team with more than just a clusterfuck of stars as we've seen in New York and Miami. Amare, Carmelo and the gang have pretty much asked Boston to become rivals and Boston has responded by just repeatedly beating them in close games. The NBA equivalent of holding the pipsqueek kid back by his head as he swings pathetically under your arm. I think the Knicks can win two games in this series, maybe three even if they hold serve at home, but I definitely don't see them coming back.
That's the Eastern Conference. Here's the West.
1. San Antonio Spurs v. Memphis Grizzlies (Series TIED 1-1)
In the first major upset game of the postseason, the Grizzlies ousted the Manu Ginobili-less Spurs on their home court. The Grizzlies are wonderful, despite the fact that they're from Memphis. I think, personally, that it wouldn't be farfetched for Memphis to upend San Antonio in the first round. San Antonio's old. They're offensively excellent, but defensively lacking and aging faster than wood (which actually holds its age quite well). The Grizzlies are solid all around, and have been on the cusp of the postseason for a few years now. Don't expect them to go quietly. Fuck it, I'm taking the Grizzlies in 6.
4. Oklahoma City Thunder v. Denver Nuggets (OKC leads 2-0)
Fuck this series. I reeeeally like both of these teams. They rank 1 and 2 in my "teams I'm rooting for if the Bulls die in the playoffs" rankings. Denver is No. 1, and this is all because they traded away Melo. They've got ten guys (Felton, Lawson, Afflalo [get healthy!], Smith, Chandler, Gallinari, Martin, Harrington, Anderson, Nene) who I love to watch playing in their too-deep rotation, and none of them are all that damn good. This results in a bunch of dudes trying to be as awesome as possible, akin to the 2007 Warriors that set my heart ablaze all (four of) those years ago.
Meanwhile, the Thunder have this new hipster fanbase that's going crazy because the state of Oklahoma finally has a professional sports team, they've got Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, both of whom are tantalizing scorers with swag to match. They've got the scowl in Kendrick Perkins and Serge "I-blocka" (Ibaka) banging in the low post*, add James Harden's awesome playoff beard/mohawk and you've got an equally supercharged team that lights up the scoreboard and burns tons of highlight tape. This series has gone OKC's way so far, but I'd be shocked if it was over before it got back there. I think Denver can stretch it out, but OKC has the advantage and shouldn't fuck it up. Thunder in 6/7.
2. Los Angeles Lakers v. 7. New Orleans Hornets (Series TIED 1-1)
Get outta here. New Orleans is playing their asses off and still got beat by a sorta-trying LA team. I really like New Orleans' heart, and I think they can take a game on their homecourt, but they don't stand a chance against an LA team that so clearly overmatches them. Chris Paul is fantastic, and when he's on, is as fun as anybody to watch. However, the Lakers have too much size, too many 3-point shooters and too many Kobe Bryant's for the Hornets to feasibly win this series. In a lovely underdog story, the Hornets lose Game 7.
3. Dallas Mavericks v. 6. Portland Trailblazers (DAL leads 2-0)
The winner of the "doesn't matter" award, this series is pretty damn boring. Dallas and Portland have no fun rivalry to draw from, no outstanding star players to duel, and no realistic Finals chances for either team.
So why watch this series?
Well, Dirk shoots one of the prettiest slash ugliest jumpers in the world, and watching him is amazing. The Mavericks also have several high-octane energy guys that can make a game fun to watch. The Blazers will try to out-tough the Mavs, and will probably come up short. Having said that, I think this series goes six games before the Mavs run into the buzzsaw that is the LA Lakers.
So, that's what the first round of the playoffs looks like. I am in the process of loving it, and will continue to do so until a champion is crowned in June. Hell yeah.
As for further predictions (because I'm pretty sure Classic Brian would fire me if I wrote another lengthy sports post like this one), I'm just going to say Lakers over Thunder, Bulls over Celtics, Bulls beat the Lakers in the Finals in six games. Derrick Rose will not be denied.
Anyway it's super late and I only got three hours of sleep in the past 40 hours, so I'm gonna work on that.
Sorry this was late.
--Eliot Sill
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I bet I can churn out one more EATIT post... ABOUT BASKETBALL.
Tonight is a great night. Yesterday was opening night in the NBA, featuring a double-header that saw the Miami Heat lose their opening game and the Lakers winning on a last-second shot that was not-to-be for the Houston Rockets.
Now the rest of the league gets to join in the fun. In honor of the beginning of the NBA season, I have decided to present to you the starting lineup (and reserves) for the Easily Amused Teen Improv Troupe (August 2010 edition).
The fact is, Improv is a team sport. That's why we practice improv. To get good comedic chemistry. There is a reason for it. It's like a basketball team. You can score a joke, assist on a joke, or rebound a missed joke. You see? We aren't so different, you and I. (Said the basketball to the improv comedy.)
The fact is, I miss our Improv Troupe. It was a great excuse to be around ten really funny people for two hours a week. But I'm not gonna write a whole post about it. Okay, well I am, it's just got a little hint of creativity to it.
Without further ado:
STARTING POINT GUARD: Conor O'Brien
(idiots guide to position: main ballhandler. doesn't score as much as he finds the open man to score. runs the offense.)
Obviously. I had to put him at point guard for a multitude of reasons. First off, that's the position of the only basketball player Conor knows. Secondly, he runs the show. He orchestrates everything and provides guidance to our team of dominant players. He can score a joke or two when needed, but mainly he's great at giving the rest of us easy bits of hilarity to feed off of. Without him we'd be a bunch of hilarious people with nothing to talk about. He was no slouch, and one of the best at what he did. Great defender, as in, scenes will never go to shit as long as he's in them. He will pull something relevant out of his ass and more than likely you will laugh at it. He gets all the glory, because he's Conor O'Brien. Everybody loves him. Except maybe Roy Schribner.
Backup Point Guard: Ben Shane
A little more unique style. He wears thongs. Awesome. He has some inherent leadership qualities about him that make you think that what he's saying isn't utter BS, though it more than likely is. Overall, he's a good defender. At the very least he will have a coherent conversation and save the scene from those scary awkward silences that are the death of anything that's supposed to be funny. Russel Westbrook. He's starting for the troupe this year (or as I like to call them, the JV squad), and despite the last joke I just made, I feel like they're in good hands.
STARTING SHOOTING GUARD: Robert Langellier
(idiots guide to the position: scores. gets open, gets the ball, knocks down the shot.)
He's really funny. Give him an open look and he'll knock it down. If there's an opportunity for a joke he usually nails it. A comedic Ray Allen. He has literally gotten jokes that I didn't even intend to make. His level of comic thinking is realllly high. He doesn't have sincere thoughts. Sorry Hannah, he's dating you because it's funny. He can't exactly work all the pieces the way Conor can, but the kid has jokes. Through and through.
Backup Point Guard: Eliot Sill
Me. I'm funny. I give Robert the nod because I don't like to come off as a douche. But I feel like I can hold my own. I understand comedy. I try to make jokes too. Try to. You be the judge.
Actually fuck that I know I'm funny.
STARTING SMALL FORWARD: Tynan Shevlin
(idiots guide to the position: varies. can be utility guy. can be a big guy, or a shooter, defensive specialists or superstars. like lebron.)
Funniest person I know. He is probably the best improv-er I know also. He can make one-line jokes, create funny concept-jokes that everyone can feed off of, and if need be, he can run a scene. Versatile and I've never seen him do a scene I didn't laugh at. He's a superstar. Our very own LeBron James.
Backup Small Forward: Nick Dietrich
The ULTIMATE glue guy. He can do anything as well, although he doesn't get the fanfare of guys like Conor O'Brien and Tynan, but the quality of our shows would dip severely without him. He has impenetrable defense (scenes don't go down the drain if he's involved). He probably can't run the show with his own jokes as well as guys like Conor and Ben, but he is a compliment to anyone. Also he dominated practices. Dominated them. (Doctor, Oil Spill, "I didn't trust her") Can't say enough about Nick Dietrich. That's why he's a Titanic Player. And I reminisce about the improv troupe I used to be in. Nick Dietrich is a Bruce Bowen. Nick, you're Bruce Bowen.
Alternate Backup: Andrew Rogers
He's better than third-string, but we just have too many studs at his position. He's taking on a similar role in the offense and defense that Nick had. He shows a lot of similar qualities. He's really funny but doesn't get the credit that other showstopping performers might get.
STARTING POWER FORWARD: Kevin Tkach
(idiots guide to the position: these are the 6'10" guys who take the ball and dunk it really hard on everyone's head.)
Kevin Tkach? You mean KEVIN GARNETT? KT is reallllly funny. Absolute hilarity. Impossible to go wrong with him. Well I suppose you could, but it's hard. He can't come up with ideas and dish them out. He isn't Conor O'Brien. But if you get him something to work with. I mean ANYTHING. He will hammer it down and you will fall over laughing. And if you take a shot (at a joke) and miss it, Kevin will be there to pick up the rebound and make it funny. He's hilarious. Through and through. Enough said.
Backup Power Forward: Connor Lohse
Shout out to The Basement. And the guy who runs it. He's funny. Like Kevin Tkach, only a little less loud. Like JJ Hickson, he's an all-star waiting to happen.
STARTING CENTER: Mada Larson
(idiots guide to the position: defensive stalwarts, offensive beasts. a little slow because they're so big, but inavaluble nonetheless.)
Centers are big, right? What else is big? Elephants. Well Mada is an elephant. IN THE ROOM. Because she is a girl. Unlike everyone else so far. Also she has to be the CENTER of attention because all hell breaks loose if the girl gets tired. As for actually complimenting her, chemistry between the point guard and center is of the utmost importance, and Mada and Conor are on another plain of thinking. It's amazing to watch. Alley-oops upon Alley-oops. It's awesome. To watch. Better to understand. But you guys like it nonetheless. She might as well be Joakim Noah.
Backup Center: Evan Kararo
He's tall. (How cruel would it be to end this paragraph here?) But also he is the closest thing we have to Mada, looks-wise. Sometimes I can't tell them apart. Also he has a tendency to be the best at executing certain roles. Evan can take on characters and do them better than everyone else. Overall, when he shows up, he's funny as hell.
Alternate Backup: Hannah Kolkmeier
Mada's gone. Who's a girl? Looooooooovee youuuuuuuuu
Inactives:
Sean Freeman- I just didn't see him enough to fully assess his humor. SHOW UP TO IMPROV PRACTICE MORE. I love you nonetheless.
Adam Barber- Too young to judge. But he has a lot of upside. A freshman who has a good concept of what it takes to be a Robert or me.
Catherine Reid- Don't have an excuse not to write her a thing but if she wants to gripe about it I'll buy her next Steak N' Shake. Also show up to practice more.
So I think, as a post, I missed every audience I may have possibly had. If you aren't in improv, you don't care, and if you are in improv you probably don't care about sports. Certainly not basketball. But I love improv. And I love basketball. So this was fun to do. Plus it's fun to analogize improv to basketball. It's doable. I know the improv part of this is so far off topic, improv was over three months ago. I know. But basketball is ON. And I found something neat to relate it to. See ya next week.
--Eliot Sill
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