Nick - Pretzels, Man, Pretzels

 

This is the third time today that I've supplemented one of my meals with a pretzel. These things are great. They come in packs of, like, 25, and they have salt packets so you can put however much salt you want on top! You just have to make it stick with water first, and then pop it in the microwave. BAM! Pretzel!

In Imaginary Nick Land, these are served instead of dinner rolls.

Okay, I guess that's all I have to say about this!

Pretzels! Oh boy!

-Nick.

Nick - All Of You Are Doing Everything Wrong Always

Alright, guys, take a look. This is some plain chicken breast. Grilled, maybe with a little pepper and some lemon rub. Looks delicious. I would eat this stuff for every meal, ever. And I'd be happy about it. So let me ask you a question.

Why the hell would you do this?

Yeah, this.

Look, you've ruined this chicken. This was a perfectly good chicken, and you stuffed it with some fucking broccoli and some goddamned tomato and god knows what the hell else. So good job. Conratu-fucking-lations. You've taken a meal I would have loved, and you have desecrated it, and I don't even know why. I don't think you have a goddamned reason. It doesn't taste better. God knows it doesn't look better. Does it smell better to you? Were you bored?

Yeah, guess what, this doesn't look good either. You've taken some noodles, which is fine, and you've taken some tomato sauce, which I really dislike, but which is also fine if you're into that sort of thing, but that where the fineness ends. I don't even know what the hell else you stuffed into this. There are ingredients in there that I don't even know about. Even worse, you put it in a container, label it "lasagna," and expect me to eat it without even knowing what you could have put into it. Like I'm supposed to goddamn trust you.

Well, guess what, I don't trust you. I don't trust any of you cocksuckers. You all use too many fucking ingredients in your foods. So take your salsa and leave me my plain chips. Take your soups, take your goddamned condiments and get out. Just go. I don't want any of your shit anymore.

-Nick.

Conor - Food Is Really Great When I'm Hungry

Years from now I will look back on my freshmen year here at OU and realize that this was the best year of my life. Food wise.

I really can't say "years from now" if I'm acknowledging it now, but shit girl, I am eating like a king.

Every fucking day I go to that the cafeteria you see above (of which you're seeing about a fourth) and I enjoy an unrealistically good meal. Here are the normal contents of my meal.

- About half of my first plate is filled with white rice and General Tso's chicken. It's really good here. It doesn't compare to China Wok back home, it lacks the spicy kick, but other than that I honestly like it more than most other General Tso's I have tried at places where I pay real money.

- Mashed Potatoes usually makes an appearance. I often overestimate the amount of mashed potatoes I want, but I follow through. I always follow through.

- I haven't found out the schedule yet, but every now and again French Toast Sticks show up and I immediately abandon all previous plans, and stock up.

- At the end of every meal I go "I'll be right back, guys. I'm gonna get something else." I invariably come back with a single roll of bread. It's always delicious. I butter it when I'm feeling uppity. I always feel uppity.

- There's this awesome breakfast bar where they have like, 16 types of cereal on tap. Sure, you could just get a bowl full of your favorite brand, but that's so lame. The name of the game is combining cereal. It's all about strategy. Frosted Flakes is greeeat and so is Cookie Crisp, but do they combine well? Unfortunately, no. You need to think about what compliments what. Trial and error is all you can really do, but even the worst disaster is educational and somewhat tasty. My best combination thus far = bottom layer of Fruity Pebbles, middle layer of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, top layer of Lucky Charms. Hellll yeah.

- There's a dessert bar I don't go to often because I'm extremely boring, but to those who are cooler and more interesting than me, it's there. My friend Kevin always gets Cobbler or something. Apparently it's tasty.

- I occasionally get a few carrots or grapes. There! I'm eating healthy, see.

Because of Ultimate Frisbee, I was originally like yeah, hell yeah, I'm definitely going to lose weight. Then I didn't and I still haven't and it's all the Cafe's fault. The Cafe is a trap. A beautiful, beautiful trap. Every week I get 10 meals here. Sunday at midnight, those are renewed. If I don't use all of them, they don't rollover. So I should really use them. So I go here all the time. All of the time.

When I went home for the weekend, I looked forward to seeing Mom and Dad and Katie and my friends and everyone I had missed blahblahblahblahblah, but mostly Steak N' Shake and Little Saigon. Those define Springfield as much Butler's playground and SHS's gravel lot do. I took them for granted at the time, but never again.

There are some really good ones here, too. Other than the Cafe. I already sortof want to start weaning myself off of the Cafe. My Cafe mortality is sinking in. I won't have it next year. I can't always depend on it. So let's focus on the things I can enjoy next year. Freebirds! Freebirds is a burrito chain that I think originated in Texas and has spread into Oklahoma. Would you look at that, everyone. Texas did some good. Until Thanksgiving everything at Freebirds is half off for OU students which is k k k krazy as ballz. I've been going there reeeally often. Also there's a place here called Pad Thai (alternative title: Rad Thai) and it's effectively replaced Little Saigon for me. It's not quite as good, but hey. I have to use what I got.

Sometimes I think about eating better but then I don't and I don't forsee that cycle ending. It's a dull guilt, so I'm not all that worried about it. It's comparable to not going to church when you seriously meant to (this example is for a lot of people) or not doing your music theory homework (this example is for Mada). You shrug it off, and then go on with your day.

If you're waiting for an analogy or a some kind of deeper meaning to this post, wuh-oh. It totally doesn't exist. I just had some really good food earlier today and I was fully aware of it and it rocked. So go out there, gang! Go eat some food and chew it slowly and swallow it slowly and then think about it a little bit. And then eat some more food.

I discovered food and you guys can all thank me later.