Nick - A Day Late, A Dollar Short

Yeah, I didn't post yesterday. But I'm posting now! That's good, right?

I don't know if you noticed, but I just did something I don't normally do, which is apologizing for a late post. Usually I just pretend like it never happened at all, which I think is a great strategy.

Unfortunately, today I also have nothing to post about and my first day of classes starts in roughly 20 minutes. So allow me to make it up to you.

First, I'd like you to meet my friend the freshwater stingray.

We met at an aquarium store called Sailfin in downtown Champaign, and we bonded over our shared hatred of humanity. I posted him on Twitter yesterday, so you may have already seen him. If not you should totally follow me on Twitter.

Second, I'm gonna go ahead and tell you what I'll be doing for next week: I'm going to summarize every day, at the end of the day, with one sentence. So look forward to at least seven sentences of Classic Brian next week.

Peace.
-Nick.

I HAVE A CAST ON ONE OF MY HANDS

--Eliot Sill

Conor - The Sport Of Kings

I was in a mini-golf tournament earlier today. It was rad. I tweeted my thoughts in real time, and I've added in details in italics. This is for you, Robert. You would have been devastated, had you been there.


- Two and a half hours until the mini-golf tournament begins. The stakes are high, and the scores are low.
     There has to be a golf based movie out there somewhere with this as the tag line. I mean, c'mon.


- Picking out what I'm going to wear to the tournament. Mini-golf is 90% style.
     Business casual is pretty much always a safe bet. Tie encouraged, but not completely necessary.


- Mini-golf is a game of mental toughness. considering most of the other kids here are 12, I'd say I have this in the bag.
     This one was a complete lie. Mada and I were the only ones there who were like, casual mini-golfers. I didn't think that'd be a problem, because who ISN'T a casual mini-golfer, right? Wrong. It turns out there are people out there who have spent their whole life honing their skills. It turns out there were 7 or 8 people out there who have been waiting for a mini-golf tournament for their entire life, and they all showed up. All of them golfed in high school, most of them went to high school with me, and some of them worked at the mini-golf course. So.


- This kid says he has gotten a hole in one on every single course here. His knees look worrying susceptible to being broken by a golf club.
    Let's see how he golfs when he's bleeding. You can tell a lot about a man from the way he golfs whilst bleeding.


- A lot of bullshit posturing from these guys. A lot of talk. They don't notice me in the corner, memorizing names, faces, styles and flaws.
     Unfortunately, they all had really similar styles, which mostly involved really casually getting hole-in-ones.


- Playing seriously the best minigolf of my life, and these guys are making a fool of me.
     Everything I did was invalidated by the ridiculousness around me.


- The best player was just found dead though!!! What happened here?!?! updated: due to tragic circumstances, I've moved up to 3rd place.
     I wish I had stuck with this joke and just made the whole thing a murder mystery. I like the idea of a murder mystery where one character is fucking obviously the murderer. 


-Yeah no seriously though I just got par. This is a serious accomplishment worthy of praise.
     On course 3. The easy course. 


- Falling apart. Everything minigolf related is slipping through my minigolf related fingers.
     On course 2. The intermediate course.


- Though I am crestfallen and frustrated, Wabash Golf and Games keeps reminding me of how fabulous birthday parties are.
     There's a sign up at Wabash Golf n' Games that says in big rainbow letters "Birthday Parties are FABULOUS!" I really, really want to steal that sign.


- Round 2 went terribly. I was beaten by my female companion, or as I like to call her, "a dirty whore."
     Mada. Mada's a dirty whore. 


- "George is 21 under," they say. Yeah. George is still probably going to die alone, though. Probably.
     Wooooah sorry everyone did I say that out louuuudddd




     Also 21 under?! What the fuck!


- I don't give a damn that Jake got a hole in one there, Jake didn't take the loop-de-loop, so Jake's achievements don't matter.
    "Yeah, a lot of us don't take the loop-de-loop," Jake said. "It's way harder to get the hole-in-one."
     Twenty years later Jake, while visiting family in Springfield, decided to go back and check out the old mini-golf place he used to work at over the summers. He was a little rusty, but by the third or forth hole it had come back to him. He kept remembering the secrets to each particular course and he would laugh and tell his wife of all the times his friends had at the place. When he got to the loop-de-loop, he decided to take it. He never took it as a kid, but something possessed him, convinced him he should take the brightly painted loop. He hit the ball and watched it go up the initial curve and shoot out the other side. He hadn't remembered the little thrills like this. He thought of all the times he had wasted thinking about statistics, and coldly getting the best results possible, even if that meant sacrificing the little things. A single tear rolled down his face. He turned away from his wife and wiped the tear away, hoping he could make the arm movement seem natural. 


- I was joking about these kids all being twelve, by the way. I want everyone to keep that in mind when we look at these scores.
     The bro who won got 85. On 54 holes. ...    .......


- Minigolf a sport I'm done with. 127 over 54 holes.
     That's a 2.35 stroke per hole average. 

The Mediocrity of Harry Potter

"Oh no, my childhood is over. Harry Potter has ended. Waaaaaaaaah!"

Shut the fuck up. Harry Potter is just decent. Move on.

"Oh but Brian, the world Rowling created was just so wonderful and magical. It seemed so real to me! It was almost like I was part of it!"

Really? Because there really isn't even much to the world. It's like, what, Hogwarts, the Ministry, Hogsmead (what's the deal with hogs?), and Godric's Hallow? And I'm not gonna say it's badly done, because it isn't. I like it well enough, but I don't see what's so special. I wouldn't be ripping on the world Rowling created if that weren't the frontline for every defense of Harry Potter. But it is, so I am. I just feel like so many other series do a much better job of it and get little to no credit, let alone the worldwide acclaim Harry Potter has gotten, and that's frustrating to me.

Harry Potter has some good characters, but let's be honest here; Harry Potter himself - least interesting of them all. The fact that the main character of the saga sort of sucks puts me off a bit. That's like if the title track of a pretty good album isn't very good. It doesn't necessarily ruin it for me, but it puts doubt in my mind. He's just an angsty little kid who gets lucky a bunch. Ron is way cooler, and he's a ginger.

Wow, I just got really bored of writing this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLKzJtjyc0E
'Nuff said.

-Classic

50 ... things

Your problems, from me:


1. Sunflower seeds

2. The Wire

3. Wallace

4. Boats

5. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City

6. Peein' Ian

7. A Kid Named Cudi

8. DKB - The Overdue

9. Remember Lil Wayne?

10. My dog

11. Names

12. Germany

13. Less fortunate countries

14. Marijuana, amongst other drugs

15. The Big Dav(e)

16. Feline AIDS

17. Slugs

18. Ravens

19. The Wire

20. College

21. Effort

22. The pursuit of happiness

23. Sports movies

24. The Wire

25. Bananas

26. Diseases

27. Finding Forrester?

28. Ray Allen

29. Ben Gordon

30. All that weird music Lauren likes

31. Lauryn.

32. Public schools

33. Cross-curricular!

34. Jackie Robinson

35. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

36. Talib Kweli

37. Alcohol

38. Jamie Foxx

39. Fantastic Mr. Fox

40. The National

41. Lollapalooza

42. Pitchfork — might have to sell my ticket I have for Sunday. If you'd like it, go on and shout me out.

43. Burgers

44. The diversity of humankind

45. That fucker who killed MLK

46. Dave Chappelle

47. Young adorable Kanye West

48. Chicago

49. Bad TV dramas

50. The Wire

_________________________________________
Your problems, answered:

1. Sunflower seeds
(in my mouth)
2. The Wire
(not watching it, thus my tv is off)
3. Wallace
(WHY?)
4. Boats
(smacked down)
5. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
(Owning property)
6. Peein' Ian
(drugs)
7. A Kid Named Cudi
(GOOD music)
8. DKB - The Overdue
(Not music)
9. Remember Lil Wayne?
(Irrelevant music)
~

10. My dog
(so ittttchy)
11. Names
(not as important as we claim they are)

12. Germany
(what's goin' on over there?)
13. Less fortunate countries
 (what's goin' on over here?)

14. Marijuana, amongst other drugs
(they're out there)

~

15. The Big Dav(e)
(Maroon car hell yes Grant!)

16. Feline AIDS
(The past can still hurt)

17. Slugs
(So can salt, actually)

18. Ravens
(Lockouts... and Baltimore)

19. The Wire
(So what?)

20. College
(Gotta get Stringer smart!)

21. Effort
(College's fine print)

22. The pursuit of happiness
(College's bold print)

23. Sports movies
(My personal favorite? Remember the...)

24. The Wire
(Sorry, just don't worry about it.)

25. Bananas
(How 'bout them apples, angry white man?)

26. Diseases
(How 'bout them abscesses, sad white man?)

27. Finding Forrester?
(movies I haven't seen that have black people in them)

28. Ray Allen
(movies I have seen that have black people in them)

29. Ben Gordon
(the opposite)

~
30. All that weird music Lauren likes
(Like Energy Spent, by Liam Finn)

31. Lauryn.
(What a lovely fucking lady)

32. Public schools
(tend to miseducate)
33. Cross-curricular!
(Unless you're learning from this mofo!)

34. Jackie Robinson
(Mostly probably about this mofo.)

35. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
(The answer to life lies on Jackie's back)

36. Talib Kweli
(Black Star never goes on stage without a towel)

37. Alcohol
(Canopy Club-Laura Sokolowski-SoCo-YUP)

38. Jamie Foxx
(who I blame for being crazy)

39. Fantastic Mr. Fox
(this one's simple)

40. The National
(Picturing Fantastic Mr. Fox singing "I won't fuck us over!")

41. Lollapalooza
(At this venue, where I did not get to see them last year. Or this year. Or ever, most likely)

42. Pitchfork — might have to sell my ticket I have for Sunday. If you'd like it, go on and shout me out.
 (Uh, yeah. Shit.)
43. Burgers
(Delicious...)

44. The diversity of humankind
(...different.)

45. That fucker who killed MLK
(What was his probbbbblem? Oh right, unforgivable racist and inhumane. Forgot)

46. Dave Chappelle
(Nicole Simpson can't rap!)

47. Young adorable Kanye West
(Milsap's band)

48. Chicago
(Found out I was gang affiliated, got on tv and told on me)

49. Bad TV dramas
(Aka, not...)

50. The Wire
(Okay okay, you're right. I have a problem. Well, maybe just an addiction. Not a problem. WALLACE!)


--Eliot Sill

Some Favorites of Mine

Sort of like Nick's post about stuff he hates, but the opposite. I've been doing family stuff for most of the day so this is sort of rushed. Sue me.

Movie - I have 2, mainly because they're completely different genres. Apples and oranges, if you will. One is The Boondock Saints. It's an action movie, but I love it for the mood it sets. Basically, it's about two bad ass Irish mofos who take it upon themselves to eradicate all the criminals they can get their hands on. It just gets my blood pumping. It's one of those movies where your inclined to laugh when the bad guys get what's coming to them in the form of twin handguns to the back of the head. The other movie is The Princess Bride. It's a classic, and I find it no less hilarious every time I watch it. It's full of sharp wit and quirkiness, and I love it.

Video Game - Ocarina of Time. A flawless rpg for the N64. I would change nothing about it. Even though the Water Temple is tedious as tits, I wouldn't have it any other way. It makes it that much more rewarding. From the revolutionary Z-targetting system to the plethora of little side missions you can do to the kick ass bosses, I can never get enough of this game. Play this game (Caitlin and Conor). I will play this as soon as I get this blog out of the way. The opening sequences keep replaying before my eyes even as I write.

Pie - Cherry. 'Nuff said.

Color - Purple. Gengar is purple. Royalty is purple. Every cool villain has a purple aura of some sort.

Game system - NES

Book - Sword of Truth series. Lauren and Jenni know whaddup.

*Looks around the room desperately for more things to deem favorites...*

Action hero(s) - TMNT

Top instruments I want to learn to play/be good at, in order - my voice?, guitar, piano/keys, drums, harmonica

Favorite video game character - lol are you kidding me?

Favorite mood- rebellious

Favorite word - serendipitous...when do I ever get to use this? Curse you and your boring use of vocab, world!

Favorite part of this blog post - THE END

-Classic

"No, Donny, these men are nihilists; there's nothing to be afraid of."

by Brendan Cavanagh

Sorry, guys. I really should start planning/writing my blog posts before Thursday arrives and I realize I'm sans-topic. But it's not my fault you see.....'cause.....it's summer.  Yeah. So it's understandable if I kind of forget that I have to write something every Thursday. But then there are days like today where I work ALL DAY and don't really have time to write. This is the best I can do for this week. I promise I'll have something a little more substantial next week.  Hey, at least I post every week.

So after I took a shower after work tonight, I was waiting patiently for my mom to return home from the store with the necessary accoutrements, and while I was waiting I caught a few minutes of a show on the History channel, called Swamp People. It looks to me like it simply follows people who live in the bayou as they fulfill decades-long feud with the mythical Sasquatch, hunt for dinner (frogs) and do numerous other weird things. But there were two brothers I admired, by the name of Guist. They're living the dream, Dude. At one point they were hunting for frogs for dinner, and one brother went and chased a toad without a flashlight into the swamp! There was a commercial cliffhanger, and I thought he died. But I shouldn't have doubted his knowledge of the bayou, 'cause he made his way right back.

These brothers are a great amalgamation of Henry David Thoreau and Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski. This video adequately sums up their meager existence.

"All that shit fun, dude, even when you get lost, man."

Conor - Sometimes You Just Have To Fight The Wu-Tang Clan I Guess

Thursday night I was hanging out with Classic Brian, Wednesday Eliot, Monday Nick, and our less-significant-because-they-don't-write-for-Classic-Brian-friends Tynan and Caitlin, when a sad truth dawned on us.

Looks like we're going to have to fight the Wu-Tang clan in a gang fight.

We could spend our time trying to avoid this fate, saying "No, Conor, there has to be some other way" or "try to talk it out" or "the Wu-Tang Clan has done nothing to earn your fury" but it would be no use. This must happen. Somehow I always knew it was going to come to this. Somehow I always knew that it was going to be us or them.

"Us" being this very specific group of my friends who happened to be in the same room Thursday night.

"Them" being hip-hop collective Wu-Tang clan.

According to Wikipedia the Wu-Tang clan is a highly influential hip hop group from New York. There are 8 core members of the Wu-Tang clan not including the late Ol' Dirty Bastard, and there are lots of other rappers associated with the clan, but bullshit, Wu-Tang clan, if you think we're going to let them enter this gang fight. Have you no honor. You already outnumber us by 2.

So let's set out some rules. There must be some order in this chaos.

NO FIREARMS  -  Yeah, no guns. 10 points deduced for every shot fired.

KNIVES ARE OKAY, KNIVES ARE FINE  - I accept that this fight will be to the death, and I don't like the idea of having to beat a fool named Inspectah Deck to death with my fists. I want it to be quick.

IT SHOULD PROBABLY HAPPEN AT NIGHT IN A DRAMATICALLY LIT ALLEYWAY PROBABLY - I'm thinking a blueish tint, with a harsh yellow light sortof bleeding in from the street.

THE FIGHT SHOULD LAST NO LONGER THAN 2 MINUTES AND 50 SECOND AND IT SHOULD BE SOUNDTRACKED BY THIS - Well I got the main idea here out of the way in the bold, underlined print.

Let's take a good look at our crew. (What should we name our crew?)

Caitlin
Weight: Somewhere in the 90 pound range
Height: Around 5'6"?
Fighting Style: Timid, Bird-like
Pros: Fearless, Has Killed Before
Cons: Approval Seeking, Would Probably Show Up To The Fight 15 Minutes Late/Leave Early

Nick
Weight: Also probably somewhere in the 90 pound range
Height: 5'10", 5'11"?
Fighting Style: The Annoyed Crab
Pros: Has Been Working Out A Lot This Year, Brilliant Tactician, A Robot, Unfeeling and Unemotional
Cons: Would Probably Get Our Crew Mocked By Skipping Around

(It should be something tough, like Da Kool Kidz or something.)

Tynan
Weight: Probs like 250kg
Height: Height is a useless category
Fighting Style: Detached Criticism
Pros: There Is Literally No Way The Wu-Tang Clan Would Be Able To Beat Tynan In An Argument, His Dad's A Doctor
Cons: He Might Not Take It Terribly Seriously Even Though It's A Real Gang Fight With Real Death

Classic Brian
Weight: The Ideal Weight
Height: The Ideal Height
Fighting Style: Winning
Pros: Our Star Player, Has A Six Pack, Really Pretty

(Das Kool Kidz. Done.)

Eliot
Weight: Weightless
Height: 5'9"ish?
Fighting Style: Confusion
Pros: Hostile, Quick, Probably Most Familiar With the Wu-Tang Clans Music
Cons: Poor At Communicating, Will Probably Make Terrible, Unforgivable Puns

Conor
Weight: Right around that 90 pound range we were talking about
Height: 6 feet mutha fuckaaaa
Fighting Style: Over-Confidence
Pros: Willing To Bring Guns Even Though I Said No Guns
Cons: My Ultimate Frisbee Skillz Are Probably Less Transferable Than I Believe Them To Be


I'm going to admit I'm not terribly familiar with the work of this "clan," but from the light research I've been doing I've drawn up an rough plan.

First and foremost, we need to get rid of the two killas. Both Ghostface Killa and Masta Killa have intimidating names that scare me, so they're done. After that Inspectah Deck and U-God need to go, I feel like they're probably wild cards.

RZA and GZA are probs brothers judging from their names, so if we take down one the other will probably be filled with unbelievable anger, so why don't we see if we can get them simultaneously.

Method Man and Raekwon, iunno. I see them being sortof the cheerleaders of the group. They probably won't get their hands too dirty.

I'm getting excited just talking about it.

Let's just do this! Are you guys free tomorrow night?

I know the perfect alleyway.

Conor - No Excuses

I just got back from a date party where I danced. Yeah that happened. I was about to lay and bed and play maybe an hour of Final Fantasy before I went to bed, but if I have time to play Final Fantasy I have time to write a half-assed Classic Brian. Never again will I fail my readers.

So here are the things that have interested me lately.



Radiohead - Lotus Flower

Radiohead came out with a really good album last Friday called the King Of Limbs. It's the first time in a while that they've released a really good album instead of an arguably amazing album, so some people, myself included, were initially somewhat disappointed by it. But even weak Radiohead interests me and challenges me. There are things to love about this album. It's subtle and contained, maybe even to a fault. The huge musical moments they're known for (like the climax of Exit Music or the explosion halfway through 2+2=5) are no where to be found, but it's obviously a decision they made. They can make that music, and they chose not to. The question is why did they do that, and without that sense of drama and scale does the music still connect? I can't tell you why they designed the album like that, but the music definitely still works. It makes you have to search for the little things. The melodies that don't initially jump out at you, the guitar lines that come in so quietly you didn't even realize they were there, the lyrics that were obscured by the way Thom Yorke sings, etc. There's good stuff there to be found. It's not as good, but I still love it.

Also check this guy out. He's a dancing machine.



Bright Eyes - Shell Games

This is just a perfect song. Everything works. I've always been a fan of Bright Eyes, but I've never been 100% sold. I know how Bright Eyes operate, so I can't fool myself into thinking the rest of this album will be as catchy or as infectious, but I can hope.



Fisherman's Horizon - Final Fantasy VIII

I'm learning this on the piano right now. Their arrangements are so pretty. I especially the part that begins at 2:25, the way the different hands and voices harmonize.



Thomas Jefferson - Derrick Comedy

My guy Tynan showed this to me over the summer, and so you know, I didn't even find this video for the first time recently, but for some reason there was a time first semester where I watched this like twice a day. Iunno why. Maybe to try to get funnier. * Also Mada showed Derrick Comedy to me in the first place, so shout out to Tuesday.



The Mountain Goats - God Damn These Vampires

I feel somewhat obligated to like this song because it's called "God Damn These Vampires." ** Thank god it's good. John Darnielle writes the best choruses. That's not dissing his verses at all, his melodies and especially his lyrics are definitely incredible. It's just he's written so many choruses that just make me  nod in agreement. They just click so well. It's not like I relate to all of his characters, or the sadness and wild, energetic desperation that make up so much of his work. It's not me personally being like "yeah, I get you." It's just the combinations of his words and his conviction. Together they're perfect. Like "I am going to make it through this year if it kills me," or "... and I won't get better but one day I'll be free, cause I am not this body that imprisons me." "And in a small room in Brazil, we were waiting" doesn't seem like an amazing line by itself, but with John Darnielle's voice, it is.

And any chorus that has the line "God damn these vampires for what they've done to me" is just sweet as hell, I don't care.

OKAY WELL I GUESS THAT'S IT. Status report from Conor. I saw Broken Social Scene last Sunday in Tulsa on a whim. That was sweet. I almost died in a car crash on the way up there. That was also sweet, no joke. I'm well on my way to locating the house I will be living in next year, which is exciting. It's not lost or hard to find it's just, you know, we don't know what we're doing exactly yet. But we will soon. I'm trying to figure out what my spring break is looking like. There's a frisbee tournament the first weekend of spring break that our B Team ("Of which I am proudly member of," Conor said while gazing longingly at the A Team)  is supposed to be playing in, but I bet we won't get enough people to go and we'll have to cancel, so like, no way am I going to buy plane tickets to work around that tournament that I am pretty much certain we will drop out off. Frustration becomes me. Tomorrow is our frisbee team's Prom party. I got asked out. By Nolan. A dude. So. I'm going with Nolan. A dude. He best put out.

YEAH I GUESS THAT'S ALL.

*Impossible
**And because it's by the Mountain Goats, if I'm really being honest with myself.

River of videos!!

(I think I'm seeing them March 16)

(Not really, mom. Just like the song. Jeesh)

(Yes that's Judah Friedlander)

(I liked this song first, asshole)

(Busta Rhymes is fuckin' tight. I want to hang out with him)

Kitten Mittens - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia @ Yahoo! Video

(Here's hoping that works)

(Oh Shit.)

(His nickname should be "Oh Shit")

(Great live hip-hop is hard to come by)

(Best day of my life)

Peace.

--Eliot Sill