Daydreamin'

Imagine a perfect world. Just picture it in your head. Isn't that nice? It's a place where you never want for anything, where your every desire is at your fingertips. It's like having infinite wishes from a genie, but you cut out all the bullshit of a middleman screwing you over for fun. Now, before the cynics and realists jump in and say how the word "perfect" is ambiguous and means something different to everyone, thereby causing a paradoxical existence, I just have one thing to say; Shut up, please. Let's skip all that jazz about conflicting ideals and let's go back to that nice place we were at. Everyone has everything they could ever dream of, and for the sake of this utopian vision, somehow everyone coexists in complete harmony. What would your piece of the world look like? How would you shape your life?

I spend more time then I'd like to admit pondering what it would be like to accomplish my deepest desires with a mere thought. Let me give you a brief peek into my fantasies.

First things first; Classic Brian is now a master of all things musical. That's right. Not only can I masterfully play every instrument known to man, but I can also sing b-e-a-utifully and write kick-ass songs. I don't have to be the best, though. I just have to be amazingly talented.

In the batter's box; being fluent in every language. Some people might wish that everyone spoke the same language. Not me. That's no fun. I just want to know them all. It's sad to have to acknowledge that there are countless languages out there, and I'll never even be a master of the one I was born to.

From there it's pettier things. Of course no one would ever have to work again, so no one could ever use excuses like, "Sorry, I can't stay. I have work in the morning", or "Well, I really wish I could go to that music festival with the killer lineup with you, but I can't get off work. Besides, I couldn't afford it anyway". Enough of that garbage. No one would ever have to worry about money again. Don't worry about the how. Just know that it's a fact. In my world, you have virtually all the time in your life to dedicate to doing whatever it is you wanna do and just being happy. And on that note, to free up some more time in everyone's life (and by some more time, I mean about ~33%+ of an average person's life), sleep is now optional. There are no side effects to not sleeping. No one gets tired, but if you really enjoy sleeping, that door is always open. Imagine how much more fun can be achieved now that that's out of the way.

I have to admit that my greatest comfort in life at the moment is my room. Boy, do I love my room. In my new world, I wouldn't change all that much. The walls would be Gengar purple, because that's my favorite color, and if I got tired of that, I could just change it at will.  I'd have a huge TV, of course. All movies and games would be at my disposal. There would be ping-pong and a pool table and all that jazz. There'd be room to par-tay. It'd be awesome.

Anyway, I could go on forever. Trust me, I think of new things every day. But I live in the real world, and right now I'm going to Sno Bizz with some hoes. That's about as close as I'm gonna get to paradise, for now.

-Classic

Nick - I Wanted The Title To Just Be A Heart But Blogspot Wouldn't Let Me

Okay, I actually like Valentine's Day. Really I do. But, I mean... how did this happen? Look at these hearts.

These hearts look very dissimilar. They are both a little bit red, but other than that I don't know how we got them confused somehow.

I love my heart. It keeps blood pumping up through my pulmonary artery, from whence it goes through my lungs and some oxygen diffuses into it! Then it goes back through my heart and to all of my cells, and then back again.That's some cool shit right there.

So really what I'm having trouble understanding is why we would ever want to dumb this down? Hearts are beautiful. Look at how intricate that thing is. Understand that your heart is working really hard to keep you alive, and chances are that you're going to screw up and die before your heart screws up and kills you. If that isn't a perfect expression of love, I don't know what is.

And then there's this bastard child over here on the right. It doesn't even have anything connected to it. How does the blood get pumped to the lungs? Maybe it's the biologist in me, but this sad excuse for a heart seems really unromantic to me.

And besides the whole heart thing, we have this guy here. Saint Valentine.

Personally, I don't really understand how he became icon for love and whatnot. If I were him, I would absolutely be honored at the veneration of my memory.

Though at the same time, I would kind of wish that I hadn't been beheaded by the Roman empire. Also I guess I would be a little miffed that I never got to experience love myself, seeing as how Valentine took a vow of celibacy.

Poor guy. We don't even really know all that much about him considering how long ago he lived. We don't even have anything he said. (Though we can imagine what he would say.)

. . .

I don't want to come off as one of those people who's bitter about Valentine's Day being around. I love holidays, Valentine's Day included. I mean, what's more deserving of its own holiday than love? I just want to make a point about how we think about it.

Because honestly, a biological heart is way cooler than what we call a heart. It's so much more intricate, so much more necessary, and really communicates what the holiday is about better than a meaningless shape.

By the same token, Saint Valentine is way cooler as a bishop who stood up for what he believed in and got brutally beheaded by the church's enemies. Celebrating an icon who lived a long life with his sweetheart and with no problems would be totally overlooking the hardships and passion of love. Not to mention it would be super boring.

So appreciate those around you, but don't let society decide how you celebrate. You don't have to be in a relationship to celebrate Valentine's Day: it's a day to show love and appreciation for all of the special people around you. It seems we, as a society, have this idea that being single is something to be ashamed of, particularly on Valentine's Day, which isn't true at all.

By the same token, we seem to think that couples should get along perfectly all the time, and all problems will be overcome by the power of love. We need to look forward and understand that there's nothing wrong with disagreement; communication is key.

Enjoy your Valentine's Day. Be filled with love, because it isn't necessarily about romance, entitlement, and soul mates: it's about appreciation.

-Nick.

Dreams

by Brendan Cavanagh

So there's this girl here at school that I was interested in for a while, which is ironic because she's short and has black hair- not usually my type.  We shared ballroom dance last semester, and this semester we are in the same introduction to education course.  I see her nearly every day at lunch, frequently in the hallways in between classes and we happen to be in the same group for a project in our education class.  Last semester it took me a while to warm up to her- I was admittedly a little shy, but I asked her to dance every now and then.  She always accepted graciously- she was very talented, mind you- and the two of us enjoyed ourselves immensely as I cracked the jokes and she exuberantly played off them.  Time and time again, she unwittingly showed me the limitations of my comedy as she nearly always improved the jokes with her responses.  I had no worries though; we made a fun pair.  We got to know one another over the course of the semester, and by the last class I had obtained her phone number in order to "let her know if I set up an impromptu dance practice before the final."  Pshaw.  I was shocked at my good fortune, though unsure if my luck would prevail.  But for once I was confident I was doing okay.

This semester I found out we shared another class, so I determinedly decided I would woo her.  And for a while, it seemed to work.  For instance, in class the two of us paired up for an in-class project.  I confidently (and jokingly) did a sort of horrible strut/dance from one side of the room to the other, and to my surprise, she followed behind doing the same thing, repeating "Chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug-a."  For once, I wasn't the only one making a fool of myself with a bizarre sense of humor.  Another time as I walked through the hall in a trance after a class, she caught my attention by very cutely tripping me in front of a group of people, laughing and sprinting away.  If this was yet another case of me awkwardly sprawling out alone all over the stairs, I would naturally have been quite ashamed, but this time I was pleasantly surprised that it was her doing.  I walked back to my room with a smile.

The playful banter between the two of us continued for a couple weeks, and then I was eating lunch with her best friend and a buddy of mine.  We were discussing fraternities and sororities because once you join one that seems to be all there is to talk about with other pledges.  The topic of formal dances between houses came up, and her friend (for some reason it was pertinent, not because of my interest) casually mentioned that this girl I liked would have to attend the formal of a certain fraternity, which confused me.  Did this mean she had set plans with a friend from there?  Wait...does she have a boyfriend?  I kept my concerns to myself and decided I would solve this matter myself.

Later that week I actually remembered what I had planned to do (I forget to check my planner, and I fail to remember any mental notes I make), so I logged onto Facebook to do a little sleuthing.  Totally legitimate means of investigation, nothing creepy about it.  I visited this girl's page, who I was technically not "friends" with, to see if her relationshiop status was viewable by the public.  It turns out that it was, and to my chagrin, this girl was taken.  Bummer.  But I looked at her boyfriend's page out of mild curiosity.  Ahh I knew this guy, I had seen him around campus.  He's the one that, whenever I pass him I think, "That guy is definitely gay."

Sooo basically I'm not really threatened, but I don't believe in breaking up relationships ('CAUSE I'M AWESOME), so I've decided not to worry about it and pursue other girls.  If this girl winds up single and looking for a mate in the future, well, let's just say I'll likely still be single anyway so maybe we can work out an agreement.

ANYWAY, in order to incorporate the seemingly irrelevant title of this post into all of the above exposition, let me relate to you a little dream I had the other day.  First, a few points should be made:

FIRST, that this girl was to be my driver on our class' field trip to an elementary school.
SECOND, that I had to wake up at a very specific time in order to allot myself the proper amount of time it would take to shower, dress, eat and meet with her and my fellow passengers.
THIRD, that I have had the awful habit lately of waking up, turning off my alarm and allowing myself to enjoy another two minutes of light sleep before getting up.
FOURTH, that the following dream transpired in the six minutes I slept after turning off my alarm:

I wake up from my allotted two-minute slumber TWO hours later, at 1:15 in the afternoon.  I fly off of the top bunk and hastily assemble a somewhat presentable assortment of clothing.  When I look at my alarm clock again, another hour has inexplicably passed by, and it is now 2:15!  It's far too late to catch up with this girl and get to the elementary school on time.  Suddenly, I'm nestled somewhat comfortably in the boughs of a tree, where I watch a mind-projected, college-aged student that I feel I've seen before walk up to the tree with his girlfriend, who seems familiar as well, but I have never seen her before.  They speak a few words to the girl I'm interested in, and then the man leaves, leaving the two girls who are now facing me with snow balls in hand.  I realize I'm situated such that I have my legs spread apart, with my crotch exposed before them (still wearing pants, don't worry).  Simultaneously they begin to pelt my crotch with snow balls, as I sit there immobile.

FIGURE THAT ONE OUT.  Clearly I was aware that I could potentially sleep through the field trip.  The dream took on a double meaning, in my opinion, when they began to pelt me with snowballs.  I think, and this is a little explicit I admit, that my subconscious is telling me that even if I consider myself temporarily "over" her, she still remains in control of my sexual urges.  So maybe I really do still like her.  Honestly, I don't care that I was thwarted by my own subconscious because it's pretty sweet that I figured out how I really feel based on a dream, which in my experience is usually trippy as hell and entirely impossible to interpret.

Well, I finally pulled myself out of my sleep by sheer will, as I at that point realized that I was still slightly awake, and it was only 11:21.  Whew.  I had time to complete all my objectives before the field trip, which too played out fortunately.  All I know now is that I'm once again interested in my dreams and the secrets they can reveal to me, so there will be my focus these days.  SORRY CUTE GIRL.

The Lost City, Pt. 1

At long last, they had arrived. The lost city of Lollapalooza. The two ragged travelers were the first to lay eyes upon it in centuries. Gazing down upon the vast ruins that sprawled throughout the valley for miles, they couldn't help but wonder; how had no one found this place before? There was, after all, carved boldly into the mountainside, a giant greeting. “Lollapalooza”, it said. This particular ancient civilization must have been extremely full of themselves. After carefully making a mental note to themselves to vandalize the monument on their way out, they began their descent into the valley.

The path down was treacherous, the way narrow and steep. The elf, however, with his long stride and natural agility, made it seem effortless, despite carrying an immense weight on his back. He was much stronger than his comrade and therefore carried most of their supplies in his pack. He did not resent his friend for this. It was simply a fact that elves are much stronger than dwarves, and he was content to smugly flaunt this superiority in character. He looked behind him to see that the dwarf had fallen behind again. He could hear, with his incredible elf senses, his shorter counterpart grumbling into his beard, as dwarves are wont to do.

“Make haste, Grywio, or do I need to carry you?”, the elf jested.

“Shut yer trap, Lathandros, 'fore I shut it fer ye,” snapped Grywio.

Lathandros smiled and turned his back once more to his unlikely companion. Their fellowship had been born of the strangest circumstances, and out of necessity, but the elf had grown rather fond of the grumpy bastard. But he could reminisce all he wanted later, he told himself. He must now concentrate on the task at hand. Returning his focus to the path that lay before his feet, he quickly took in his surroundings. They were almost to the bottom.

Even in ruin, the city was like nothing they had ever seen before. The path they had taken to get here was the only entrance. Completely surrounded by mountains on all sides, the civilization filled the entire valley. Even large parts of the mountainsides were covered in the structures of these ancient people. The Lollapaloozans had been a great and powerful race in their time. Their empire had stretched far beyond this secluded place, to be sure. They had conquered many civilizations and obtained massive wealth for themselves. That much could be derived from the history of the surrounding lands. But what, then, had befallen this mighty people? They seemed to have been completely erased from the face of the earth, save for these ruins. An uncharacteristic chill ran up Lathandros's spine. It was rare for him to feel fear, but he felt it now. Something wasn't right about this place...

“Hello masterzzz. We lovez you. We so glad to see you! GOLEM! GOLEM!”

“Oh fer the luv of the gods, Conor, you scared the bajeezus out of me!”

“We're sorry, masterzzz. GOLEM! GOLEM!”

“Lathandros, remind me why we let this good fer nuthin' thing keep following us?”

“Because I pity him. He is the foulest of creatures.”

“Can't we just kill him? He'll probably just try 'nd kill us in our sleep anywey.”

“...Alright. But be swift. We must press on.”

Grywio swiftly removes the disgusting creature's head from its neck and watches the body collapse to the ground.

“That's one already! HAHA! I'm winning!”

Wait til next week for Pt. 2

-Classic