Not the kind that's brutal and unrelenting and utterly undesirable (November), but the kind that draws you in with a beautiful but feigned first impression and then slowly but surely eats your consciousness away and leaves you worse for wear. And wet.
It has been raining for the last two and a half weeks straight. Straight. There has literally been like, zero days, in which the weather was just nice since the very beginning of the month. And even now, it will be nice for a while, then later in the afternoon, as I'm walking home from class perhaps, it will rain on me and laugh in my face. Sometimes it waits just long enough for Mada and Adam to get to Lincoln/Allen Hall before the tornado-like conditions take hold. Asshole.
Did you notice something in that last paragraph? As I was writing it, I did. I referred to my tiny shabby dorm room as "home." (No, I did not do that for the mere sake of referencing it in this paragraph, as I am writing this post without direction. Sorry. Keep reading anyway, I swear the future's bright!) As I previously stated, it's April now. It's April and I'm very much used to college. I'm running on five hours of sleep and am used to operating while tired. I was always able to stay up late, but I had to sleep until 2 in the afternoon to do so. Can't really do that at this point.
I think I'm just beginning to fully embrace the life of a college student. I'm no longer just living until the next break. Yeah sure, I'm looking forward to summer and how it starts a month earlier than usual, but I don't feel like I need it. I feel like I'd be okay, being here for a while, and if I needed to, I could stay here over summer without any particular feeling of homesickness.
Along with that, though, comes weird adulty feelings that I don't like at all. I went home for Easter last weekend and was like "Hi, parents, it's nice to get to see you." What am I, forty?
But anyway, after another shitty day, I'm ready to dump stupid ass April. I've become practically immune to rain, and actually take pride in taking it like a champ while people fumble their umbrellas and run to the nearest awning for shelter. And while this feels cool, it is not a healthy life choice, and one that I need to extricate myself from.
April is a tease, and even from a day-to-day basis, it shows me how beautiful it was when we first met, but then it will rain three hours later and remind me that it hates me. So fuck April, bring on muggy ass May, buggy ass June, swelteringly hot July, and swelteringly muggy ass August.
no i haven't been working out.
Summer's gonna kick ass.
--Eliot Sill
