Nick - Five Things I Did While Quarantined In My Room

So this weekend, because I have mono, I did not go anywhere. I didn't go to parties, I didn't go to PK Barnjam practice, and I certainly didn't go to CU Improv Fest.

But I did do some interesting thing. Here are five of them.

Start a Blur cover band

I figured, hey, I can't go anywhere, so I'll just bring the party to me. So I started a cover band. It was me on drums, I played lead guitar, and I filled in for the vocals most of the time. Unfortunately, our lead guitarist was terrible. We could never find a bassist. The singer never learned the words to any Blur songs. And when our drummer developed an opium addiction, everything just went downhill.

Fantasy Football

I found this by Googling "how do I football"

Yeah, I know, I'm no good with football most of the time, but I figured I might as well learn. So I started a fantasy football team. I'd call this a success. My team scored a lot of touchdowns. Our defense was really good. Our offense kicked the ball a lot of times. My linebackers drew way more lines than any of the other teams in the league.

Learn the language of clocks

I found this by Googling "clocks talk"

You probably hear it all the time. That constant, ever-present ticking. Whether it be the wristwatch of the guy next to you or the clock in the back of the room ticking so faintly that you've tuned it out. Well, I'm here to tell you that it's way more than just a noise they make. Clocks are expressive creatures. And if you're willing to put in the time to listen and understand them, clocks will open up to you. In fact, if there's one thing I realized this weekend, it's that I no longer have any use for human friends.

Reach enlightenment

Little known fact: when you reach enlightenment, your chakras glow.

One day, I was just sitting here thinking, and then I realized the nature of all things. It's pretty zen. I would explain it to you, but you probably wouldn't understand.

Begun my new life as ruler of this room

I found this by Googling "I am their ruler"

After reaching enlightenment, I suddenly felt empathy toward all living creatures. I realized, these poor creatures have no structure to their lives. They live in anarchy. Who better than me to give them government? I dumped out my large canister of oatmeal, and proceeded to name each and every grain. Then I assembled my new subjects, and gathered all the objects on my desk for a conference. After an extensive election process, Nick's Room now has a fully functional democracy. Nick's Running Shoes were elected president, with That Funny Metal Coily Piece On The Back Of The Refrigerator as his vice president. Parliament consists of two parties; the National Democratic Labor Party, run by The Halloween Card My Aunt Theresa Sent Me, and the Progressive Party, headed by a very special piece of oatmeal named Klobb. I'm happy to report that this new system is so far stable and functional.

What did you do over your weekend?

-Nick.

Things that make me go bump in the night.

So guys, what have you done with your last week?

I have lost my wallet, beaten Final Fantasy XIII, worked way too much, gone camping, seen Band Practice in concert, written a will on behalf of my '95 pimp van, and seen Inception twice.

Losing my wallet sucked ass tits. Beating Final Fantasy was great, working was a worthy investment (so I'd like to think), going camping was awe inspiring, seeing Band Practice was really cool, learning of the van's impending doom was, well, expected. But man... seeing Inception gave me what I like to call a "nerd boner".

I have seen five Christopher Nolan films. All of which have stuck with me due to the impressive (and impressively consistently impressive) storytelling. Always do I leave the movie wanting to turn around and go watch it again. Oftentimes I do, as was the case with Inception. Memento, The Prestige, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and Inception all rank in my top twenty favorite movies. That's pretty ridiculous. One director can claim a fourth of my favorites to his name (not that he'd care to). Each of those movies contains ridiculous depth and all of them are prone to plotholes due to their complexity, but you would strain yourself coming up with any harshly significant ones. The man should really collaborate with Disney Pixar, seeing as how both entities seemingly can do no wrong.

Anyway, back to my raging nerd boner. Seeing movies like this gives me the uncontrollable urge to dissect the film and truly understand it for everything the director wants the movie to be understood for. Hence I saw The Dark Knight six times in theatres. It inspired me to watch three seasons of Batman: The Animated Series and was the reason I grew my hair out two months longer than I wanted to just so I could pull off a killer Joker for Halloween. I delve into the mythology of these amazing stories, pore over the internet for tidbits of info on who will be playing The Riddler in Batman 3, see other people's theories on the ending to Inception. When something so anticipated and something you are so interested in is done so well, it transcends the label of being a "great movie" and reaches beyond the love you had for it going into the production. The Dark Knight is a movie I love and cherish due to its brilliance in bringing to life a story that graphic novels can take only so far. My imagination runs rampant with ideas and stories that would be portrayed if Heath Ledger's dumbass wouldn't have OD'ed after giving his best on-screen performance ever (and that dude played a gay guy! a gay cowboy no less! that shit is hard to do!). Hey, there's still hope Heath faked his death and that The Joker will be back in Batman 3. Leave it to Nolan to stage the greatest subterfuge in the history of mankind, right? Right? ....sigh..... if only.

Finding flaws in Chris Nolan movies is like bitching about the one thing your parents didn't get you for Christmas. However, in the case of Inception, Rotten Tomatoes has found plenty of gripers to showcase the neediness of American movie-goers. If you read into the negative commentary most of it is either ignorant people who didn't care enough to actually invest themselves into understanding the movie or ignorant people who didn't like it because it was weird and different. This movie offers so much it serves up a brand new never before thought of concept, exhilarating and epic action sequences, engaging and dynamic characters, and about six layers of thickening plot on a two and a half hour long platter. I won't ask for anything more, except maybe a ticket to the next available showing. (Oh and here's some related reading if you thought the Inception critics were laughably unreasonable. The funny thing is, look at how smart most of these people try to sound just because they need you to believe they're smarter than you for their opinion against conventional wisdom to hold any ground)

Chris Nolan, the man who knows how to make movies better than you do, is working on a story for Batman 3. Two years from now, that movie will have been out for a day (I will probably be on viewing number 3). Fact is, Inception serves as proof to me that the man can and will do no wrong. He can take something, make it up, and then do it to perfection the first time. He is brainstorming a mind blowing movie right now and for that I thank him. Until that day two years from now, I will be anticipating, keeping busy, watching less significant big screen releases, re-watching old Nolan masterpieces, and waiting patiently as the movie of my dreams comes together like a symphony under the conducting of the one man who I'd trust with my life to do it beautifully.

Guys, I really like Christopher Nolan.

--Eliot Sill