Nick - Five Things I Did While Quarantined In My Room

So this weekend, because I have mono, I did not go anywhere. I didn't go to parties, I didn't go to PK Barnjam practice, and I certainly didn't go to CU Improv Fest.

But I did do some interesting thing. Here are five of them.

Start a Blur cover band

I figured, hey, I can't go anywhere, so I'll just bring the party to me. So I started a cover band. It was me on drums, I played lead guitar, and I filled in for the vocals most of the time. Unfortunately, our lead guitarist was terrible. We could never find a bassist. The singer never learned the words to any Blur songs. And when our drummer developed an opium addiction, everything just went downhill.

Fantasy Football

I found this by Googling "how do I football"

Yeah, I know, I'm no good with football most of the time, but I figured I might as well learn. So I started a fantasy football team. I'd call this a success. My team scored a lot of touchdowns. Our defense was really good. Our offense kicked the ball a lot of times. My linebackers drew way more lines than any of the other teams in the league.

Learn the language of clocks

I found this by Googling "clocks talk"

You probably hear it all the time. That constant, ever-present ticking. Whether it be the wristwatch of the guy next to you or the clock in the back of the room ticking so faintly that you've tuned it out. Well, I'm here to tell you that it's way more than just a noise they make. Clocks are expressive creatures. And if you're willing to put in the time to listen and understand them, clocks will open up to you. In fact, if there's one thing I realized this weekend, it's that I no longer have any use for human friends.

Reach enlightenment

Little known fact: when you reach enlightenment, your chakras glow.

One day, I was just sitting here thinking, and then I realized the nature of all things. It's pretty zen. I would explain it to you, but you probably wouldn't understand.

Begun my new life as ruler of this room

I found this by Googling "I am their ruler"

After reaching enlightenment, I suddenly felt empathy toward all living creatures. I realized, these poor creatures have no structure to their lives. They live in anarchy. Who better than me to give them government? I dumped out my large canister of oatmeal, and proceeded to name each and every grain. Then I assembled my new subjects, and gathered all the objects on my desk for a conference. After an extensive election process, Nick's Room now has a fully functional democracy. Nick's Running Shoes were elected president, with That Funny Metal Coily Piece On The Back Of The Refrigerator as his vice president. Parliament consists of two parties; the National Democratic Labor Party, run by The Halloween Card My Aunt Theresa Sent Me, and the Progressive Party, headed by a very special piece of oatmeal named Klobb. I'm happy to report that this new system is so far stable and functional.

What did you do over your weekend?

-Nick.

Nick - 'Zen' Is A Word That I'm Using Now

So I'm going to start a thing. Mood music, please:

Ignore that video, there, just listen. This past week I've gotten really into the word 'zen.' And I intend to start saying it all the fucking time. But it has a very specific use. You can't just be like, "dude, that new shirt is so zen," because shirts can't be zen. Zen is a state of mind.

According to dictionary.com, zen is, "A movement that emphasizes enlightenment for the student by the most direct possible means."

According to me, zen is whenever you're doing something so spiritual and chill that you can't possibly not be achieving enlightenment through it.

For example, all the time I put old Mountain Goats albums on shuffle for like an hour. Just an hour of listening to a dude with a guitar recording songs on his boombox. That's pretty zen.

This is easily the most zen picture ever.

Avatar: The Last Airbender is pretty zen. That show has all sorts of interaction between the spirit world and the physical world and stuff. Very zen.

One time I showed up really early to rehearsal and meditated and played guitar in a dark room until the rest of De Bono showed up. That was definitely one of my zenest moments.

I hope you all have learned something today. Go, spread my work.

-Nick.