Robert - Live Blog: Battle of the Souls

1st Quarter

13:25 — Hannah has officially accepted the bet. Aaron Rodgers has completed some good passes. Madden's advice from Madden 64 taught me as a child that this is conducive to winning.

10:50 — Packers on pace for a 96-0 victory. Hannah will regret ever dating me.

10:45 — Bears legendary defense proves itself again by tackling Bears returner.

6:23 — Packers finally fail to get a first down on a play. And it wasn't a touchdown.

5:47 — It's okay, next play was a 10-yard run.

4:49 — The ball goes way farther when they kick it. The quarterbacks could make way longer passes if they used that.

2nd Quarter

14:06 — Only buying products with funny commercials from now on. If we work together, we can make TV more interesting.

11:28 — I've noticed they get more yards when they pass than when they run. NFL needs to give up on the past.

11:13 — 14-0 Packers. We've officially reached my limit for pushups.

10:12 — This room is rooting for the Packers. The room across from us is rooting for the Bears. Every play hurts my ears.

8:39 — In my day, Charles Woodson was in college.

4:06 — Googling what a Packer is.

4:06 — Unimpressed by committee in charge of naming the Packers.

2:00 — "I'm so excited for 'Mama's Boyfriend' to come out" is not the same as "I'm so excited for my mom's boyfriend to come out."

:49 — Interception

:32 — Interception

Halftime

*Commentators far more excited than actual players.

*Hannah texts me, "Why are none of your updates about the game?" Because 'Packers dominate' gets boring after a while.

3rd Quarter

11:00 — 26 game minutes away from continuing to own Hannah.

9:48 — Bears gaining as many yards for the Packers as the Packers.

9:00 — Packers give ball to Bears because Todd Collins is more entertaining to watch than our own scoring.

8:44 — Aaron Rodgers gives Brian Urlacher a taste of his own medicine.

8:35 — Collins throws incomplete pass on 3rd and long. Bears fans go crazy.

4:38 — Packers players learn empathy after getting stopped on 3rd down.

3:10 — What if "Chariots of Fire" played over the speakers during gameplay?

1:13 — Bears frustrated with inability to tackle Packers. Tackles own Bear teammate again.

:57 — Bears holding open tryouts on sidelines to find 4th string quarterback.

4th Quarter 

12:02 — Packers fans learn fear after allowing easy touchdown.

11:03 — Concussed Aaron Rodgers hopes that penalties advance Green Bay into the end zone.

7:22 — Purchasing Old Spice. Making TV more interesting.

6:04 — Things I'm going to make Hannah get me when I win: care package, signed letter acknowledging my superiority, the head of a bat, ten dollars

4:43 — Things I'm going to do if I lose: Regret doing this.

1:27 — I order the Bears to stop advancing.

:00 — Caleb Hanie is the MVP of this game.

Robert - HANNAH I'M GOING TO KILL YOU

You'll be green with envy. And Packer cleats.

MY GIRLFRIEND HANNAH TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD BE MORE COMPETITIVE ABOUT SPORTS BECAUSE THAT MAKES THEM MORE FUN. OKAY. The Packers play the Bears today in 18 minutes. Hannah's a rabid Bears fan. I'm a fairweather Packers fan. But I'm competitive! I'm willing to bet a lot that my Packers will stomp Brian Urlacher and whoever still plays for that team. MY PROPOSAL: Whoever's team loses today is the other person's official bitch until spring break. Publicly. Everyone will know. It will be so totally humiliating.

Hannah Kolkmeier, if you have any confidence or faith or true care for your team, accept this bet in the public forum, either on Classic Brian or on Facebook.

I will be liveblogging as the game develops to describe how it makes the destiny of my soul feel. Keep refreshing, please.

THIS ONE'S FOR THE MEN.