Saturday, July 3, 2010

I'm Fucking Back. Finally.

Stop fucking crying. That means you, Drama Queen and E Silly. I'm back. Let's fucking FFFF asap. Sorry I missed my last post, everyone. I had virtually no access to a computer during my travels. I've been gone too long. Don't get me wrong, I had fun. I got to go to da Joisey Shore and NYC and it was fucking cool. I stopped home for a night and then traveled in completely the other direction and went to Colorado. There i saw the Rocky Mountains, and even camped in them for a night. They were fucking gorgeous. I'm just really glad to be home.

It's been a long 2 weeks. I feel like I haven't seen my friends in forever. I can't wait to just hang out with them again. I also went through a rough patch with my girlfriend, Julia, which we weren't gonna tell anyone about, but somehow everyone knew almost instantly. Never fear though, we're good to go and better than ever cuz she's the best and I can't wait to just hang out with her again. Sorry ladies.

But enough serious shit. I have come to restore a sense of comedy to my blog. Why? Because it's fucking classic, that's why. Robert, I'm fucking cooler than you, despite the fact that I drive a dented silver Ford Taurus and don't walk anywhere. Get over it. Boom! Roasted. Eliot, I could tots stay up later than you if I really wanted. I could also beat you at any sport. Sports! Boom! Roasted. Conor, You break stuff. High five! Band Practice! Boom! Roasted. Mada, theater is lame and is too much effort for the short moments of glory you get out of it. Also, you had your heart broken by Conor. Conor. And my girlfriend is hotter than you so no, I don't wish my girlfriend was hot like you. Boom! Roasted.

Just kidding guys! Mostly.

-Classic Brian

Conor - I'm SO GOOD At Music

If you don't know me, the first thing you will likely learn about me is that I like to play piano. And guitar. And drums. And sometimes I sing. This is because I am better at music than you will probable ever be.

I feel as if now would be a great time to mention that I have a band. It's called "Band Practice." This is an extremely clever name that I probably came up with. I don't really remember the details, but it's way too clever for Rhett or Greg to have come up with.

Anyway, back to music. I play lots of it. Sometimes, I sit down at the piano and just figure out songs. Then I go to my friends' houses and play them, over and over. There are an infinite number of chord progressions, and I know all of them.

Did I mention that I once got shut down by the cops while playing with my band? You probably haven't ever been shut down by the cops, but then, I guess I'm a lot more hardcore than you.

I mentioned earlier that I know every chord progression. Allow me to name a few:

A D g F
C Eb
A c# e
Bb G f#
c# Bb

And there are lots and lots more.

If you would like to know some more about music, feel free to ask me. But don't expect to be better at it than me. Unless you are Joe Bernardi.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The King of 4 AM

I am, as in my current state, the exception and not the rule. I, as of right now, am TIRED as balls.

Last night I stayed up all night without going to bed. So to counteract that foolishness, I rode up to Champaign this morning for breakfast and was back in time for lunch. I deferred eating, but only because I had previously stuffed my face full of the most delicious pancakes ever. So now, you can catch me at a near-death level of lethargy and exhaustion, and, take a picture, because this, doesn't happen often.

I have this thing. It's like insomnia, but it's different. People with insomnia can't sleep. They hate it. All they want to do is close their eyes, have a dream about something, and wake up where they were before. At least that's what Fight Club tells me. I just... don't really sleep at night. I don't know whether it's a sub-conscious conception that staying up makes me badass or me making up for all the times I lost the battle to stay up past bed time as a child that keeps me from maintaining and striving for a regular sleep schedule. The fact is, I stay up later than you, I sleep in later than you. That makes me cooler than you, but it also makes you more successful than me. Fair? I'd say that's a fair trade off.

I love one-upping people just as much as the next guy, don't get me wrong. But you'll often hear me abstain from conversations of how little sleep people get or how late they stay up. Why? Because it's honestly a little bit embarrassing. Like, seriously? You stayed up until 5 A.M? You stayed in bed until 4 P.M.? What the hell is wrong with you. I don't brag about that. That's embarrassing. That's the disease. What I do is simply give you a moderate middle-ground between what time you stayed up until and what time I actually stayed up until.

What? I don't want you to think I'm weird or something.

I don't know where my nights go. I don't know how I spend my time until at 4:30 in the morning. I know where my days go though, they slip away right through my fingers. As I lie down enjoying whatever fucked up dream is brewing in my head. Speaking of which, Inception looks awesome. Let's go see that together. (Ridiculously off-topic but you were thinking of the wrong kind of fucked up dreams and I know it. Get your mind out of the fucking gutter.)

My inability to go to bed early and wake up accordingly is a MAJOR contributor to my chronic anti-punctuality. It fueled my MLTBL (Most Likely to Be Late) stats and earned me detentions and other problems coupled with the annoying but enjoyable infamy. The late shit has to be cut out for college. However I feel like staying up late is just part of the game by that point. And I am sure I will be an expert on the subject. I no longer need coffee or Monster or a mass Coca-Cola binge to keep me up through til dawn, I just need a reason.

I don't know what it is about the night, but I just like it better. Essentially, the earth is how it would look if the sun were to not exist. It's pacifying. There's nobody on the streets, nobody to bother you, and there's nothing like standing in the middle of a normally busy street at 3:15 and looking both ways, finding no cars in sight. It's just cool to me. I appreciate nature more at night. It's not so unbearably hot. Most of all, I feel like it's time alone in the purest sense we can achieve. Everyone is sleeping, with no time to see me take a 2:30 jog by their house. That moment is when I own this city. I feel like I'm on top of it and seeing and thinking clearly, able to shed all the stressful tumults that will return with the sunrise every day. To me it's therapeutic, like Rob's walking addiction. I just don't sleep. My job doesn't often require me to get up early, so why waste my time? All you can do during the day is whatever everyone else is already doing. At night, when I'm the only one to choose, I can truly do what I want.

There's not often reason for my staying up late. In fact, there's often reason for me to get some sleep. But I just don't like letting the late night hours slip by in fruitless slumber. So I take the night shift upon myself, and I earn the right to fall asleep to avian lullabies. It feels pretty good to turn the clock upside down once in a while, that is, until you have to face the rest of society. Oh well, I can sleep when I'm dead.

So next time you're up unreasonably late, and you feel like complaining to everybody about it the next day, just remember that I undoubtedly stayed up later than you. Bitch.

--Eliot Sill
Tonight I got out of rehearsal at 12 am. Last night; 12:30 am. I currently have a pound of make up on my face and my neck is red from ripping off my mike tape every night. I have to wear a wig that is 12 feet long, weighs more than I do, and when I'm off stage I have to carry around the the excess hair in a trash bag. Sound like fun? probably not unless you're of the small sect of people who loves theater. I am one of those people.

Theater is a really strange, really intense community that most people don't even know about. It is a community full of the best and worst type of people. These are the people that are the most charismatic, often the funniest people you will meet. They are also the cockiest and often the meanest most dramatic people you will ever meet. In short, these people are characters. And they are addicting. And you hate them.

Now, I know i said that I was one of these people, but only the fringe. I do a couple shows here and there in the summer and I perform every once and a while in a teen improv troupe. These lack of dedication doesn't cut it for the true theater people. The hardcore people are never not in a show. As soon as one show closes they begin rehearsals for the next show. they are constantly trying for the biggest roles and they are so over it if they end up in chorus.

Why am i telling you this? Mostly because I am currently in a show, (Into the Woods opens this Friday at the Muni!) but also because I find it interesting how many people have no idea this underground community exists. Seriously, you guys don't even know. All these people know each other and hang out all the time. They have their own slang, their own drama and their own hierarchy. It's crazy. As fascinated as i am by all of this I'm not sure I'll ever fully be a part of this community by I thoroughly enjoy the time I spend in it during the summer. It is educational, entertaining and makes you appreciate your friends that never use the word "fierce". In short, come see my show. Please.


Monday, June 28, 2010

Nick - Allow Me To Introduce You

Today I would like everybody to meet a few of my friends.

Ever since I was little, I really liked plants and fish. For some reason the idea of something that lives and grows in my room was just cool to me.

Over here you can see Cappella (the large one). He was the second plant I ever owned. And on the far left we have Christmas Cactus, which my parents got me for Christmas. He is in a pot that I painted myself and he grows beautiful flowers when it's cold out. Next to him is Lucky Bamboo. Olivia got me Lucky Bamboo. He didn't have any of those upshoots back then. And then the tiny one on the right is Lola. You can't see her very well but she's really pretty.

This here is Oyster Plant. I don't know why it's called that. It was really tiny when it got it, and I love the silver in the leaves. You can kind of see some other plants poking into the picture there, one of which isn't doing so great.

I was never a huge fan of furry animals. I had a cat, our family has had some dogs over the years, but plants and fish aquariums are more like an entire ecosystem than a single organism. You get to see fish interact with each other, and watch as everything in the tank takes an established place. And plants grow and take different shapes over the years until it's hard to believe it was once a tiny sprout. That, to me, is really really cool.

This here is Firefish. Firefish's story is a very sad one. I ordered him from the fish store, and when I went to pick him up the guy at the fish store told me that he had ordered two instead of just one for me since they are happier in pairs. I only had enough money for one of them so I just took the one and went home. I started feeling really guilty so I went back the next day and bought its friend too. They were really happy for a few weeks and then this one killed the other one, and I still can't imagine why. I guess he's just not a very nice guy. Anyway, now he's alone in the tank with a terrible crab named Giovanni, who wouldn't let me take a picture of him. My fish aquarium could use some cleaning and is kind of lonely. I need to get out to the fish store. My dad has a huge and vibrant one downstairs.

Lastly, we have these two guys. First we have my vine. Vine was my first plant, and is in a pot I painted. He started from a sprout from my mom's vine plant. I think he's actually some kind of pothos. Oddly, my mom's vine is red but mine grew green. Then we have Coral Cactus. He's actually a succulent, not a cactus. Olivia got him for me and I can't get over how cool he looks. He really does look a lot like coral.

These aren't all of my plants and fish in my house of course, but I don't want to bore anybody. This is just a small sampling that I've taken pictures of.

I feel like having plants and fish my whole life has given me a hard-to-describe quality of understanding and learning from nature. I would like to think that I've gained a kind of respect for the way that different organisms interact and grow. I've learned a lot from my plants and fish, and I hope you start a fish tank for your kids someday too.


Sunday, June 27, 2010

Falling in Loveish

--Robert Langellier

I'm in love. ...with everyone.

In one of the coolest and most doomed phenomena in the social world, people have a general tendency to make up for not knowing a cute acquaintance by building a relationship with them entirely within the boundaries of their imaginations. Not that they invent memories of him/her or conjure a fake backing storyline for a fake relationship; that's an even creepier step I'm not prepared to take. It's more of a projection of possibilities, an ideal dream. I call them crushlets. Crushlets are fueled mostly through sweeping judgments of immediate physical characteristics. It's impossible to take personality into account, because if you already understand their personality, it's too late. You know see them as a real person, and you have to either upgrade the status to either friend, crush, annoyance or enemy. Therefore, you assume personality characteristics through pointing out meaningless physical features. Crushlets are also fueled jointly by boredom, as we usually have little else to be doing when we're staring at the fine lady down the way, and it probably goes something like this:

--standing in line at lunch--
{Boy sees girl, and steps into line behind girl}
Girl: "Hey."
Boy: "Hello."
{Girl turns back to face line}

How I envision reality when I don't have a girlfriend
--standing in line at lunch--
{Boy and girl lock eyes from opposite sides of the room, sparks ignite. Girl silently pleads for boy to accompany her in the lunch line and eventually in marriage. Boy heroically dodges chair legs and table edges, all while remaining so nonchalant-looking that any girl would bite the head off their own mothers just to touch him. But he won't let them.}
Girl: "I'm pretty in love with you."
Boy: "Yeh."
Girl: "My mid-length brown hair indicates that I'm intelligent and spunky, but its light shade and my cute smile shows that I'm also carefree and easy-going. Also my clothes are sort of cool."
Boy: "You're the perfect girl for me and we should have either a long term relationship or a short fling. I am flexible so either one would be acceptable."
Girl: "Okay."
{Girl and boy walk hand in hand into sunset.}

Rarely have the headlines to either of these scenarios been different. And by rarely I mean never, ever. However, sometimes, if you're lucky enough, you might get to know that person a little better over time. The downside of this is that you've gotten to know them better over time, revealing all of the misconceptions you made those first few times when you wished you knew her better. It turns out she never dreams of running away to the mountains. Or that she doesn't like Band of Horses. Or that her favorite color combination of all time isn't blue and white. Or that she's not attracted to you. And as you've probably already assumed, any one of the above sentences would make any girl grossly undateable.

Nonetheless, a crushlet makes somebody who would normally be a nonfactor in your life into a source of boundless entertainment for a couple minutes while you're sitting with your friends. For example, I went to Mizzou's orientation the other day, and I probably made at least 10 crushlets who I will probably never meet. They mean absolutely nothing since I know nothing will ever happen, but I can pretend they're important while I joke with my new Mizzou friends.

Crushlets are important. Without them we'd have to talk about real things with our friends, like politics or something. Or real relationships. And nobody wants to do that. So if you're an attractive female in your mid to late teens, watch out, because people might be falling in love with you from a distance. Creepy stuff.