Thursday, April 26, 2012

Sweden is so cool that I'm never coming back

Have I mentioned yet that I'm in Sweden?

This week in between doing math and living with really rude people I went and saw some ice. It was so cool because we just don't have that kind of thing in Springfield.

Springfield is kind of a cool place, but actually it sucks and I hate it. That's why I've decided I'm going to stay here forever and become a Swedish lesbian and live in an igloo.

I also hate doing math all the time so I'm changing my major to classics. That way I can study cool things that didn't actually happen instead of boring things that govern the structure of our universe.

So I'll probably never see you again. Whatever. It's fine. You can come visit I guess.


Monday, April 23, 2012

Nick - Kick It!

I'm gonna level with you guys: sometimes classes are boring. When this happens, typically I draw animals or inanimate objects in my notebook and then let them rap for eight lines. Here are a few.
I slither around and I hide in the grass
Pick a fight with me and I'll kick your ass
I've got a riotous rattle and sparkling scales
When I unhinge my jaw I can swallow a whale
There's no use in screaming or trying to run
I don't have ears and I can taste you with my tongue
So if you see me as I'm snakin' along through a ditch
Get the fuck out before I make you my bitch

Our coolness is unparalleled, frigidity unmatched
But when confronted by the sun we melt pretty fast
We hold our advantage just as long as we remain
Callous and cold in our icy domain
We've never lost a snowball fight, never felt fear
Yeah we run the show around here
But if ever any sunniness or passion is felt
We weep, we splinter, we lose it, we melt.

Y'all listen up while I spin you a yarn
About the glory of the PK BARN
Other houses try but they just can't compete
You pick a fight wit' us, an' you gonna get BEAT
If you're comin' over best be bringin' a keg
For all our stellar studs and all our hot babes
And if things get wild we might be runnin' a piece
We're the best damn team that you ever will meet

Yo I'm professor Barrett and I'll fuck your shit up
My pace is a crawl, my transitions abrupt 
I'm fightin' for my homies in the middle class
Call me a commie and I'll kick your ass
But don't you go claimin' that you know this nation
History is subject to interpretation!
So I'mma lecture up here, tell you all how I feel
Give you all the scoop on my New Deal