Thursday, February 10, 2011


by Brendan Cavanagh

So there's this girl here at school that I was interested in for a while, which is ironic because she's short and has black hair- not usually my type.  We shared ballroom dance last semester, and this semester we are in the same introduction to education course.  I see her nearly every day at lunch, frequently in the hallways in between classes and we happen to be in the same group for a project in our education class.  Last semester it took me a while to warm up to her- I was admittedly a little shy, but I asked her to dance every now and then.  She always accepted graciously- she was very talented, mind you- and the two of us enjoyed ourselves immensely as I cracked the jokes and she exuberantly played off them.  Time and time again, she unwittingly showed me the limitations of my comedy as she nearly always improved the jokes with her responses.  I had no worries though; we made a fun pair.  We got to know one another over the course of the semester, and by the last class I had obtained her phone number in order to "let her know if I set up an impromptu dance practice before the final."  Pshaw.  I was shocked at my good fortune, though unsure if my luck would prevail.  But for once I was confident I was doing okay.

This semester I found out we shared another class, so I determinedly decided I would woo her.  And for a while, it seemed to work.  For instance, in class the two of us paired up for an in-class project.  I confidently (and jokingly) did a sort of horrible strut/dance from one side of the room to the other, and to my surprise, she followed behind doing the same thing, repeating "Chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug-a."  For once, I wasn't the only one making a fool of myself with a bizarre sense of humor.  Another time as I walked through the hall in a trance after a class, she caught my attention by very cutely tripping me in front of a group of people, laughing and sprinting away.  If this was yet another case of me awkwardly sprawling out alone all over the stairs, I would naturally have been quite ashamed, but this time I was pleasantly surprised that it was her doing.  I walked back to my room with a smile.

The playful banter between the two of us continued for a couple weeks, and then I was eating lunch with her best friend and a buddy of mine.  We were discussing fraternities and sororities because once you join one that seems to be all there is to talk about with other pledges.  The topic of formal dances between houses came up, and her friend (for some reason it was pertinent, not because of my interest) casually mentioned that this girl I liked would have to attend the formal of a certain fraternity, which confused me.  Did this mean she had set plans with a friend from there?  Wait...does she have a boyfriend?  I kept my concerns to myself and decided I would solve this matter myself.

Later that week I actually remembered what I had planned to do (I forget to check my planner, and I fail to remember any mental notes I make), so I logged onto Facebook to do a little sleuthing.  Totally legitimate means of investigation, nothing creepy about it.  I visited this girl's page, who I was technically not "friends" with, to see if her relationshiop status was viewable by the public.  It turns out that it was, and to my chagrin, this girl was taken.  Bummer.  But I looked at her boyfriend's page out of mild curiosity.  Ahh I knew this guy, I had seen him around campus.  He's the one that, whenever I pass him I think, "That guy is definitely gay."

Sooo basically I'm not really threatened, but I don't believe in breaking up relationships ('CAUSE I'M AWESOME), so I've decided not to worry about it and pursue other girls.  If this girl winds up single and looking for a mate in the future, well, let's just say I'll likely still be single anyway so maybe we can work out an agreement.

ANYWAY, in order to incorporate the seemingly irrelevant title of this post into all of the above exposition, let me relate to you a little dream I had the other day.  First, a few points should be made:

FIRST, that this girl was to be my driver on our class' field trip to an elementary school.
SECOND, that I had to wake up at a very specific time in order to allot myself the proper amount of time it would take to shower, dress, eat and meet with her and my fellow passengers.
THIRD, that I have had the awful habit lately of waking up, turning off my alarm and allowing myself to enjoy another two minutes of light sleep before getting up.
FOURTH, that the following dream transpired in the six minutes I slept after turning off my alarm:

I wake up from my allotted two-minute slumber TWO hours later, at 1:15 in the afternoon.  I fly off of the top bunk and hastily assemble a somewhat presentable assortment of clothing.  When I look at my alarm clock again, another hour has inexplicably passed by, and it is now 2:15!  It's far too late to catch up with this girl and get to the elementary school on time.  Suddenly, I'm nestled somewhat comfortably in the boughs of a tree, where I watch a mind-projected, college-aged student that I feel I've seen before walk up to the tree with his girlfriend, who seems familiar as well, but I have never seen her before.  They speak a few words to the girl I'm interested in, and then the man leaves, leaving the two girls who are now facing me with snow balls in hand.  I realize I'm situated such that I have my legs spread apart, with my crotch exposed before them (still wearing pants, don't worry).  Simultaneously they begin to pelt my crotch with snow balls, as I sit there immobile.

FIGURE THAT ONE OUT.  Clearly I was aware that I could potentially sleep through the field trip.  The dream took on a double meaning, in my opinion, when they began to pelt me with snowballs.  I think, and this is a little explicit I admit, that my subconscious is telling me that even if I consider myself temporarily "over" her, she still remains in control of my sexual urges.  So maybe I really do still like her.  Honestly, I don't care that I was thwarted by my own subconscious because it's pretty sweet that I figured out how I really feel based on a dream, which in my experience is usually trippy as hell and entirely impossible to interpret.

Well, I finally pulled myself out of my sleep by sheer will, as I at that point realized that I was still slightly awake, and it was only 11:21.  Whew.  I had time to complete all my objectives before the field trip, which too played out fortunately.  All I know now is that I'm once again interested in my dreams and the secrets they can reveal to me, so there will be my focus these days.  SORRY CUTE GIRL.


  1. I love weird dreams. I analyze them all day after I have them. Mine are usually less coherent than yours though.

  2. this was hilarious. your life should be its own Truman Show.


  3. Damn you for stealing my tag! I'm the Dreamer! I have dibs!

  4. I realized after posting this that I forgot my original interpretation- that this girl emotionally blue-balled me (snowballs would freeze my balls?). Get it? Yeah? No? FUCK YOU

  5. This is so funny! I love it when your dreams take hold of you in such a strong way. My dreams torment me sometimes because my subconscious is so intent on presenting itself. No snowballs, though.