Saturday, January 1, 2011

Conor O'Brien Presents: A Brief Summary Of Your Faults


Thank you! Thank you! ... Hahaha, Thank you. Hey! Heh, sit down, sit doooown. Yes, yes! I can't start the show until you stop clapping!


We have a lot of exciting stuff planned for you guys tonight! First and foremost, I would like to talk directly to you guys. I want to have a discussion. I want to tell you about all the stuff you've been doing that's been pissing me off. Okay? Because it's a lot of stuff. And sure, yeah, you'll read some of these things and be like, "hey wait these are really specific and these in no way can be blamed on me" but that's the attitude that breeds all this incompetence. So here it is. Take these all to heart. Look at yourself and be like "how can I stop this bullshit, at least when Conor is around me?" Because now that I've made my complaints public, I will tolerate this no more. The ball's in your court now.


-People who give me bitchy looks when I pass them on my bike. Okay really? I know what I'm doing. I'm sorry if the only/coolest option I had was to swerve between you and that girl with the messy bun and the ratty OU hoodie, but deal with it. I'm not going to hit you. On accident.

-People who pass me on the highway. What? I'm sorry WHAT? Don't you DARE look at me like I'm driving like an asshole when in fact you are the asshole. You are, sir or madam. I'm going to pass you spitefully now.

-People who post before 7 o’clock on Classic Brian. You know who you are.

-The Game in which like the point is to not think about the Game. Shut up shut up shut up shut upppppp.

-People who shoot down jokes. Seriously? Just go with it. You're ruining it for the rest of us.


-Alarms. Constantly tricking me. Changing the AM to PM or whatever, making me look like an idiot. Okay awesome, I've napped for 5 hours on accident, missing several important meetings slash classes. And to top it all god damned off, you will go off 12 hours from when I intended you after I've sortof gotten over your betrayal, pissing me off ONCE AGAIN.

-The plastic fortresses headphones and shit like that comes in. Sometimes shit remains unopened for days, because while yes, of course I want this product, obviously I want this, I paid money for it, I just don’t want them that bad. Here it remains on my dining room table, pissing me off every time I walk by.

-Waking up and being covered in blood and piss. Thought process. "What is this...? Ohfuck what is thiiiiis??"

-People who pass by me really quickly and really close to me on their bike.

-Having to see people eating at restaurants alone. I'm sad now because I have to watch you eat alone. HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW THAT I'M NO LONGER HAPPY? No. You're eating alone, of course you're not. Do that in private.

-The Man

-Haters. We should stop blindly accepted that they're gonna hate. We should fix the problem.

-People who blindly make Texas jokes (ALL OF MY FAMILY). Wait seriously read this sincerely. Okay listen. I feel some unnatural dislike of Texas because I've been raised this way. I feel like a lot of people have this same hatred beat into them. It's just another state, everyone. I live right next to it now, and a bunch of my friends are from it, and it's just another state. Let's talk. I've met some people being like "I never want to live anywhere but Texas! It's the best State ever all other states suck" and yeah sure that's really dumb, but fools are fools. Let's forgive Texas their fools. I don't want to be held accountable for Illinois' fools. Seriously. Let's cut that out. I know you're not all that serious, but I know on some level you think that.

-Texas! Boooooooo.

-Kung-fu Treachery

-My dependence on energy drinks, and how obvious it is that it’s just like, a placebo effect, right? Right? I need a monster.



  1. How dare you end a post with an inside joke.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Attendance policies isn't an inside joke. I hate attendance policies. I got two B's in classes I should've gotten A's in because of attendance policies.