Friday, January 14, 2011

Conor - The Road To Hell

Bear with me for a second.

Imagine that you have a girlfriend. I apologize for my masculine voice, both in this anecdote, and in real life. Okay. So you have this girlfriend, right? You love her. You love being around her, you love talking to her, the way she laughs, the way she seems to trip over the smallest obstruction in the environment, how punctual she is, blah blah blah. Now let's say an evil wizard has put a spell on you, and you weren't aware of it. You were asleep. While you were sleeping he put this curse on you, that if you are still dating this girl by the next month, you will blow up. One second everything will be going fine and then bam you explode. Now let's say I somehow learned or knew about this spell. Like I guess I was in the room when it happened, watching you sleep? Anyway I know about your fate and, being a good friend, I'm determined to save you, and I know you could not be convinced to stop dating her. Well. I guess if you knew you were going to explode you'd stop. Let's assume that there's another clause to this spell that if you learn about the spell you will explode again. Or something. This analogy is getting out of hand. So... In order to save you I seduce your girlfriend and I start dating her. But you think I'm an asshole! Of course, this is understandable, from your point of view, but I'm not an asshole. I'm a martyr. But no one understands. No one can know. Because if I told them I'd probably be violating like, section 3 R of the Wizard's loophole-less overly complicated spell, and they'd probably explode.

Maybe I haven't done a good job of setting this up, but something I've been thinking about is how my actions come off to others. It is a dangerous past time that I don't recommend. In Springfield, I lead a lifestyle that Roger Ebert recently called "truly captivating, with well drawn characters and stunning cinematography." Several of my best friends and I play what I refer to as "the game," in which our conversation quick evolves/devolves into a fast paced back and forth of obscure in-jokes and conversational competition. It's a thrilling, exclusive sport, that I'm just not realizing repels others and is extremely self-indulgent and narcissistic. It glorifies us and our vocabulary, and hanging out with us quickly becomes a spectator sport. We might involve you in the joke, but it's somewhat clear that it is our joke.

This is not what we want. This is not intended, and we never really noticed this. We just love joking around with eachother. We're having fun. To the outsider, we love ourselves. This may be true, but if we were on a desert island, would there be anything wrong with the way we act? I don't think so. Should we change? Change is a scary thing. I love "the game" and I don't want it to go away, but I also don't want to come off as an asshole to the people around me. Our joking is well-intentioned. Our jokes are always with the intent to make someone laugh, but they can be pretty easily misinterpreted. A couple of months ago Classic Brian made a post mocking my new love of Frisbee, and it was funny, but I took it like the adolescent manchild I am, and threw a tantrum. He didn't mean to hurt my feelings. My feels are just embarrassingly easy to bruise.
Give me time, Classic. One day soon I'll grow up, and be able to take jokes and maybe then I'll start a family and settle down somewhere.

I've judged a lot of people. Most of the judgements were 100% accurate and these people were and are less saintlike and less attractive than me, but I'm sure a couple were off target, and it's difficult to try to evaluate my past decisions. I am partially to blame for Natasha Gaydos not getting into the Easily Amused Improv Troupe, because I made a judgement call that was totally off. I didn't know her very well, and I didn't think she was very friendly. I told that to people who had the power to stop her entry to the troupe, and that happened. It's entirely possible that I changed her life, for the worse. I didn't know her very well, and I shouldn't have offered my unqualified opinion, but I did. I had seen her be sortof confrontational to some people, but she had been pretty cool to me. Why did I say she wasn't cool? She could've had every reason to be standoffish to those people. I didn't know their history and I shouldn't have assumed she was in the wrong, but I did and I regret this. She has shown remarkable kindness and is cool and kind to me these days, but I don't think her family likes me very much, and can they be blamed for that?

Yes because I am perfect and blameless.

Last summer Sunday Robert stopped me from talking bad about someone he didn't know because he didn't want to dislike them before even knowing them. He said he was trying to stop talking about people, so he wouldn't plant preconceived notions in others minds. He said he had brushed off one too many people because he had assumed too much about them.

Let's see if that asshole is such a saint when I steal his girlfriend so he doesn't have to explode.



  1. I'm sorry you asshat are you being apologetic?


  2. Sometimes I have that off day where I'm too tired, or I'm just not in a very good mood, and I can't get into the groove of "the game."

    It can be frustrating to be an idle spectator to the game. I hope that's just because I know I can do better. I hope that's not how other people perceive us.

    Good post.

  3. Sometimes I confuse "the game" with being annoying. But I don't let myself think about that until after the fact, and I make sure to forget by the time I see Conor again.

  4. Classic's comment uses irony. Critical hit! It's super effective.

  5. And Conor ends his post largely about self-indulgence with an all-caps link to his Bandcamp and a promise to write about his band soon.

  6. Roberts wit can clearly not be contained in one well thought out comment, so as we can see he was forced to spread out his gift to the world through 4 individual posts.


  7. Conor, also on the subject of asshats and people you might not be sorry to see explode, Robert came by the house yesterday to pick up his xylophone. He was still laughing at you. He made sure I knew exactly why the xylophone was where it was. Then he laughed at you some more.

  8. Band Practice post coming right after the updated FFFF post that includes thoughts about the music. According to rumor, Conor likes it a lot!

    Nick I totally get the feeling of the off day.

    This post was stupid and about nothing. All mine are better.


  9. Off is that shit?


  10. I just Google searched my name to see if I had any awards I was unaware of that I could list on a resume. This was not a search where I thought, "Hey let’s see if my brilliance won me so random awards I didn't know about to add to my list of 200 others", it was more along the lines of, "Hmmm honor roll in high school just doesn’t seem sufficient..." Well I came across this post instead. It’s a metaphorical trophy, Elliot was clearly wrong in his proclamation, "This post was stupid and about nothing”. It certainly is about something, and Conor It's really awesome that you mention me in a Classic Brian Post, and it makes me really happy. I kinda wanted to cry while reading this, but at the same time not mention that I did because I knew the following comments will rip that apart (i.e. Brian, Robert and Elliot). But after entering Springfield High on top then being thrown into the gutters it was hard for me to even walk at graduation. I never wanted to go back because I felt like a walking target of judgment and jokes. I liked you since day one when I met you and I knew you were one of the most talented kids in Easily Amused when my brother was leading it. Your wit remains intact, and while I can't deny it comes with a little arrogance, I think you’re awesome all the same. I actually looked at the date you last posted on my fb wall asking if I wanted to kick it over break, just to see if it was the same day you wrote this. It wasn't. All the same I did tear up a little bit as I wrote this (and I'm in the library at school so that's a tad bit embarrassing), not only because it's good to know that Conor O'Brien likes me, but thinking about high school still sucks, and I'll always wish i could have been in the troupe I had laughed at for so long as a child. I’m also glad that the game continued even in the 12 comments preceding this post.

    I don't have an account in any of the user choices so I had to go anonymously. It’s a little bit more artsy and sentimental that way though right? Anyhow this is clearly Natasha.