As I sit here writing and snacking on mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, I can't help but think that our bodies are really, really dumb. If my body was at all smart, it would be saying, "Nick, you should eat some steamed broccoli, or some protein-rich yogurt!"
But no. It's urging me to continue eating peanut butter cups. And that don't make no kind o' sense.
Sugar is bad for you. Lots of things are bad for you, and if you're anything like me you would far rather eat those things than a bowl of carrots or a sandwich or something. Seriously, what is soda? It's sugary goop. It is, in everything except taste, pretty gross. And yet it's delicious. When evolution was designing our taste buds, it done screwed up.
And here's another thing: anytime I do anything physically tiring, my body is telling me to stop and conserve energy. Well, stupid body, if you weren't so opposed to getting a good workout once in a while I think we'd all be a lot better off, don't you? It's like you're hardwired to try and make me fat and have heart problems.
And you know when you're lying on the couch and your body won't let you get up? What's that about, body? You should let me get up to go do something productive, for both of our sakes.
And, while I'm addressing you, body, let's talk about that time I broke my arm. As soon as I broke it, you started releasing some kind of something that made me super happy and outgoing. Why can't you do that more? That was kind of cool. I would think you'd give me incentive to not break the arm again by making hurt or something.
And yet, while you make me feel good after breaking an arm, you flip out every time I have to get a shot. What's that all about? It's just a little needle, you shouldn't make that big a deal about it.
It's like no matter what I tell my body to do, it's stubborn and set in its ways. Sure, I can ignore the pain and take it like a man, but my body won't stop producing it. And I can pretend that I don't have to pee really badly but my body will still make it feel really uncomfortable until I am able to go to the bathroom.
The conclusion is that our bodies are dumb. Although my body also happens to be gorgeous and adequate in every way.