Monday, March 7, 2011

Nick - We're All Adults Here

I think we, as a society, tend to have a "sex negative" attitude. It's something you don't often stop to think about, but a teacher mentioning sex in the classroom could get into serious trouble. Even usually rational parents don't want their kids to hear too much about sex. Time and time again, it's considered completely politically correct to look down on sex as dirty and disgusting. We hear this view repeated and implied by priests, teachers, parents, and especially politicians.

Maybe if those people got laid once in a while, they wouldn't have a huge stick up their ass.

I would totally do all of these people.

I mean, seriously, you guys. Who the fuck thought that abstinence only sex education was a good idea? What's even the point? Everybody thinks that their kids are going to be wholesome and reserved about sexuality, but in reality they're just preventing their kids from having a realistic understanding of sexuality.

As much as you want your son/daughter to be special, wholesome, and perfect, you need to cut the bullshit and admit it. They are probably going to fuck somebody. BEFORE THEY EVEN GET MARRIED. Oh the horror.

And honestly, you have no idea the kind of harm done to kids by keeping them in the dark about this stuff. Think about all those poor mormon kids who grow up thinking that it's evil to touch their own dick. Think about the kids who are never taught about contraception. I mean, Jesus, people. This is crazy.

And then we wonder why we have a population with such a fucked up view on sexuality. You've seen them. I've seen them. Douchebags who are all about getting girls drunk and getting dome. Oral sex isn't fucking currency. It's foreplay. I'm assuming that people who don't understand this basic tenant are terrible sex partners.

And on the other side of the spectrum we have people who think that oral sex is gross. And, of course, those lovely people who think that looking at porn is a crime against humanity. How old are we? We're in fucking college. My god people, it's the human body. Learn how it works.

 This is a chart of ideal penis sizes, according to women surveyed. This graph begets two questions:
1. Do people have any concept of size?
2. Who's the bitch that said 11 inches?

I couldn't find a graph of ideal penis size according to men, but I'm sure it would be equally outlandish. You know how guys are about their dicks.

This chart shows actual penis sizes. Haha. Keep dreaming, folks.

When we don't educate people about sex, we get all sorts of problems and misconceptions. An unhealthy view of sex leads to shitty relationships, and this is a problem that we've just been propagating for generations.

It's time to start moving on. We're all adults here. We can have frank conversations and education about sex.

So, go fuck somebody or something.



  1. I approve that one of these is a character from a children's books series and another is a cartoon.

  2. I don't want this to be taken as a shot at your post, because it is fantastic, but I have to say my favorite parts are definitely your three tags.


  3. Pertinent to this post- A BYU basketball player Brandon Davies, the team's third leading scorer and top rebounder, was kicked off of the basketball team for violating the university's "Honor Code". Their team was projected to be a number one seed in the NCAA tournament, which would be a monumental achievement for the small private school, until Davies was kicked off the team. His violation? Admitting to having premarital sex with his longtime girlfriend. And yes your tags are awesome.


  4. - "Who's the bitch that said 11 inches?" Best thing ever.


  5. Another timely issue - the Northwestern University professor scandalized for showing a live girl get penetrated by a sex toy to his sex ed class.

    As opposed to a video, not as opposed to a dead girl.

  6. I was going to say something about that but robert beat me to it. Here's the link in case anyones curious.

    Fuck NU's president for making the professor apologize.
    Anyway, awesome post Nick.

  7. +1 for Robert

    I keep score in this relationship

  8. Graphics + words = hilariousawesomeness

  9. Also, wow...That's like 1% with 8"+. Bizarre.