Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Bum Diaries

Brian McMahon Posting for Robert Langeiweird Late!


Robert, a dog, and I just departed Robert's back porch with five ounces of mescaline, three syringes full of heroine, and twenty five capsules full of hydro codine. My associate Robert, a journalist, is assigned to cover a story of the turtle races of significantly high importance at the Henson Robinson Zoo this Saturday.

But that is not our main priority.

Right now, it's getting all these damn bees off my arms. The dog, well it think its a dog, an hour ago it was a cat, or a penguin. I dont know what fucking animal it really is. All I know is it's name, Rufus. Or I think it's Rufus, thats what the penguin told me, or the dog. Fuck, where am I? Anyway, about three hours ago Rufus knocked the last bottle of ether off the table and licked it up. In a rush, Robert and I sniffed up what we could. What would you do, thats five hundred dollars worth of fucking ether man! That shit doesn't grow on trees man!

Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. Robert is passed out in a pool of his own piss right now while I'm trying to figure out what to do with this damn dog. I need something to even me out. Five pills of the hydro should give me the fix. 


Shit man, that was the ex. What fucking dealer did Rob get this from. Why is Abraham Lincoln tapdancing with Nazis in Rufu's kennel right now. Oh shit. I think I'm getting it again. The fear.

I hope all of you are doing well at your colleges and universities. LLCC is crazy!!!!



  1. The last sentence really brought this home.

  2. The word Gonzo appears on the cover of my copy of the Rum Diaries. It's my main priority this break. Also, brilliant is Robert's go-to literary compliment, I believe. Well done

  3. Okay, about Who We Are, someone is a HUGE asshole.