Saturday, January 21, 2012

Conor - The Perfect Day

Priorities are something I've often wallowed about here in the halls of Classic Brian. To summarize my earlier findings, doing things is hard, and I hate doing things. More often than not, being responsible and productive is more difficult than not giving a damn. Which sucks!

Oftentimes, while wondering what terrible god would do things like make peoples metabolisms operate on wildly different scales and make tying ties so tricky, I wonder what I do if I was suddenly free of the logical shackles of this world. What if I wasn't obliged to do society any service, what if I distance meant nothing, what if time was my only limitation and I could effectively do whatever I wanted?

If I had 24 hours to spend however I wanted to, how would I do it? What would My Perfect Day look like?

Here we go. Most of this can happen in any order, unless otherwise noted in my description.

2 hours would be spent playing Ultimate in Norman. Everyone would be there. It would be good ultimate, we would play well, but it would not be taken seriously. The game wouldn't devolve into exclusively upside-down hucks and the like, but it would definitely get pretty stupid by the end.

An embarrassing 3 hours of the day would be spent playing Final Fantasy. Know that I shaved a lot of other things down in order to ensure that FF got its fair share.

2 hours would be spent at improv practice. I say improv practice because, while I love the rush of having to make the improv good because there's an audience watching, at improv practice we can do stupid, regrettable things. Things can go badly and it can be way funnier than if they had gone well and we don't have to give a damn. We can ensure our spots in hell, worry free. Also, everyone who's ever been in improv would be there. And I wouldn't be the leader.

1 hour would be spent at either Steak N' Shake or Little Saigon. Come one, come all. EVERYBODY SHOW UP.

1/2 an hour would be spent at Snowbiz Shaved Ice. I guess, for financial purposes, it would be a Tuesday, so we could get two for one. I would get a medium sour lemon, sour green apple concoction. Every time I haven't gotten this I have regretted it.

1/2 an hour would be spent going on a run through Washington Park with Nick Dietrich, and whoever else worked up the energy to come with us that day. Which I guess would be the whole crew. Because this is the Perfect Day. We would run around the park twice. This would probably occur around 11:00 at night. No park police would bother us about being in the park after it's closed, because how do you close a park.

2 hours recording a new song with Band Practice. It would be a good song and everyone would like it. The lyrics would not be bad, and every band member would have an interesting part. It would not be showy, or too melodramatic. It would just work well. Later, we would play a 1 hour show that would be reasonably well attended. It would be a very very small venue so it would appear like there was better attendance than there was. Somehow, I would not sweat.

12 hours down.

2 hours would be spent sitting around 1042 Leslie Lane, and doing whatever. Relaxing. Chillaxing, maybe even. Fuck you, blogspot, don't you dare put a red squiggly line underneath chillaxing as if you don't know exactly what I mean. I would maybe take turns playing Halo 3 with some of the guys, maybe  I would just sit in the living room we've entitled The War Room and talk to people, watching a movie in the second living room we call Codename: Bitch Tits, maybe I'd play ping-pong, maybe we'd play Risk maybe I'd just sit in my room and read. It don't matter. It'd be nice.

3 hours would be spent going to dinner with my family and then playing board games with them afterwards. We would go to someplace nice. Like Ginger Asian Bistro. We would then play Banagrams, or Chasing Mr. X or whatever that new game someone just got for Christmas was. I wouldn't win. Even in my perfect day, I have to accept simple facts about life.

2 hours would be spent seeing an impossible concert. It would basically be like a 2 hour mix CD where every band plays one or two songs and so there are like 10 or 11 of my favorite bands. There is no set up or tear down time. Somehow. It's in a medium sized venue. Probably in Oklahoma, but people from Illinois are there, too, for some reason. It's crazy.

Or it could just be a 2 hour Mountain Goats concert. I'm cool with that too.

2 hours would be spent in a car, driving, talking to whoever else would be in the car, and listening to music. The sun would be setting. I'd probably be drinking a monster.

2 hours would be spent at a party in Springfield. The Party Planning Committee would have pretty set it up. I would be the designated driver, but I would still have a fantastic time. I would get to see all of the people I miss, all of the people who I acknowledge I haven't put enough energy into seeing while I'm back in town. I've been thinking about this lately. It's so easy and so convenient for me to spend time with the same 5 or 6 people in Springfield, and because I am a creature of sloth I've done just that. I feel pretty shitty about that. I will do my best. I haven't done well thus far, but I'll try. I know if I wait any longer to start maintaining these relationships, it will be too late.

2 hours would be spent at a party in Norman. I would not be the designated driver.

I would also take a 45 minute nap.

Also my perfect day would be 25 hours and 45 minutes long.

It would also be my birthday.

And Christmas.

EDIT: If anyone's interested, list the contents of your perfect day. It's probably exactly like mine.


  1. My perfect day.

    I wake up around 11.

    I make a cup of tea and drink it while playing Kirby Air Ride with Teddy. Then Sofia and Ben come downstairs and join in.

    During the day I Spend some time watching The Wire with everybody who likes The Wire. Definitely Conor, Eliot, and Brian would be involved. Also Lauren, because she's a trooper. And I guess anybody else who wants to come.

    Then I want to see a Mountain Goats / Band Practice concert. I've always wanted to see The Mountain Goats live, plus Band Practice is pretty okay. They would both play Educated Guess.

    After seeing a concert, I would definitely want to jam for a while with Ben. Actually, I would jam with anybody who wants to jam. You're all invited! Woo!

    Then an improv show in Champaign. Probably a Titanic show, because that would mean I get to wear a suit. Also Amy would be there, because I miss her.

    I would spend absolutely no time recording on my perfect day, because recording music is awful and takes forever and I'm a perfectionist.

    That night, probably around 9 and not 11, I would go on a run in Springfield with Conor O'Brien, and everybody else.

    Then I would take a shower and get ready for the perfect party. The perfect party takes up the remainder of the day.

    The perfect party would have many people. 60% of them are people I know, and the remaining 40% are cute girls and John Darnielle. Also everyone I like from both Champaign and Springfield are there, because unlike Conor I don't need to keep my two friend groups at separate parties.

    And there would be good alcohol, none of this college stuff, and elaborate drinking games based on video games. I would not get super drunk. The party would go until super late.

    My closest friends and I would outlast everyone at the party, as we are wont to do, and then the rest of the night would just be spent hanging out doing whatever with them. Because I can't think of a better way to end my night than with close friends.

    Just kidding. I would have a threesome with two hot girls and my friends could get home by their own damn selves.

    1. This guy. This guy can't be stopped.

    2. Wait, I forgot something. I would also shop for clothes at some point. I like shopping for clothes.

    3. I let my day follow the constraints of logic. Apparently "free of logical shackles" by Conor's terms does not give me the ability to grow talons, eat fire, or leap to other planets. Or maybe it does, and Conor is just really boring.

      I would begin waking up at 4:00, biking out to a cliff and watching the sunrise alone. Then I would go right back to bed because 4:00 is not a time for being awake.

      I would reawake at 8:00, to either "Song for Jane Smiley" or "Casimir Pulaski Day" because come on. Then I would read a fucking book until fucking noon because reading is fucking cool. It would be "East of Eden."

      It would be February in a harsh winter, and it will be that one of two February days each year when the weather is inexplicably warm and Perfect and everything smells like perfume and everybody is leagues happier than they were before they awoke. Everyone will think Spring has finally come and they won't have their dreams crushed by subzero temperatures until tomorrow. There will be a girl in shorts rollerskating to class in front of Jesse Hall.

      I will use this Perfect weather to my advantage, by sunning myself and putting myself briefly within the fingertips of sleep on a bench on campus. Then I will arise feeling refreshed and poetic and I will take a wonderful stroll through the nature trails at Grindstone Park. I will skip stones along the stream beds. I will also go for a short run while I'm there, because I'll be in shorts, and probably shirtless.

      Upon returning, I would go to a local Columbia nursing home to volunteer for research for an immersion journalism piece I'm doing this semester that I'm real excited about. I would be kind to tired old women and talk to them softly in their yellow, musty rooms. In my coat pocket on the way home I will find four $20 bills I did not know I had.

      Before I get to the apartment, I stop at a tall parking garage, where any one of my friends is waiting for me. Together we go to the top level and watch the sunset and tie thick ropes of friendship.

      Then I go to my apartment and play guitar for a while. A stranger peeks in the door in the hallway and says, "Hey, that sounds nice." I say, "Thanks," and he continues on.

      Then I Skype Hannah for a while, or no wait she comes to VISIT and I greet her outside and then we do couply stuff together unlike Nick because he's single. Then we go to sleep spoon-shaped, except this time for some reason spooning becomes a comfortable position to fall asleep in.

      My Perfect Day doesn't seem to include people, I guess.

  2. My perfect day would be in spring, cause I'm too short to function well in the snow.

    I would be well rested by 9am and wake up in the bed I have Springfield, not the jagedy-spring-thing that fits in my dorm room now. I would have eggs and bacon, and for the next few hours get caught up on the shows I miss cause of the lack of a TV in my apartment. I also catch up on all the books I have started that are laying around my dorm. Middle Sex and Girl with the Dragon Tatoo are taken up first.

    By noon, Phillip and I would be in Chinatown getting bubble-tea and bakery items. We stop by The Shed Aquarium because, you know, so many turtles.

    At some point I go to Washington Park to pick up Turtle Tompkins . He has plans early tomorrow but he says he's free today. We drive with the window down cause it feels awesome outside.

    Somehow by 2, Phillip and I are back in Springfield and meeting up with Jordan, Callista, Andi and Jasper in my basement. We all watch a Myazaki film, probably My Neighbor Totoro, and play Cranium.

    By 4, a semi-spontaneous short is being filmed without the conflicts of work or school with the enjoyable people from Film Club, past and present. Conor and crew are there because they had the idea and I have the camera.

    6 is dinner with parents and broseph at home because Dad's cooking is better that what I have found in Springfield and Chicago alike. After, we watch 30 Rock cause thats whats always on.

    8 is an Improv show with Phillip, Jordan, Callista, Andi, Jasper and whoever else is always there the because thats truly the best show you can see in Springfield.

    After the show we don't go to Steak n Shake though, we go to Clark's. Its back in Chicago but we make it there in a timely manner, and enjoy the best breakfast food you can get for under 10 bucks.

    That night, everyone who wants to crashes at my magically empty and considerably larger apartment, staying up too late talking and catching up on the time spent away from eachother.