Monday, February 20, 2012

Robert - Fixing Words

Some words were incorrectly done. They somehow gained acceptance in the English language over time, but they do not fit the things they describe. For example, "tits" are not a girl's breasts, or in the context that it's used, nipply mountains of desire. Tits really are tiny dots, such as those made by a bored pencil in a boring notebook. Somehow or other, our culture has convinced itself that tits are the fleshy projections of a female's upper torso. Nope. I'm not having it. In addition to "tits," I'm here to fix some more words that were improperly assigned in the English language.

1. Clandestine. I got this word by typing "word" into the Labels box and getting the tag "The Word Clandestine." I don't know. But it got me to thinking. First, that I didn't know what clandestine meant. It means to keep something secret because it's illicit. Ohhhh no. I don't think so. Not anymore, it doesn't. To be "clandestine" is to be something of a heavenly quality. Think about it. I can't hear the word clandestine without either hearing it in a deep voice that I assume to be Poseidon's or visualizing rays of light beaming out from the emboldened word. Clandestine is the nature of the gods. And that is nothing to keep secret. Take that, The Word Clandestine.

2. Éclat. Nope. This is wrong. Éclat is not a sensational or brilliant scene. An éclat is a disgusting dish of vegetables involving things like avocados and eggplant. Would you like an éclat platter? Éclno!

3. Trope. Ah. Something to rinse off my palate after that disgusting éclat. This tray of tropes looks amazing. How do these common figures of speech taste? Like bite-sized clumps of almond, coated thickly in milk chocolate. And holy shit, some of these have caramel in them. I love tropes.

4. Vicissitude. I will agree at least that there is an unwelcome change occurring, because I certainly do not welcome these life-threatening slashes across my chest made by this sword. That is what vicissitudes now are. Vicissitude is too sharp of a word to be something as broad as "change." Listen to that. Vvvv. Agressive start. Someone's getting hurt somehow. Sissss hissing snake yikes that's scary. Tude. That sounds like "feud" and people get hurt in those. The combination of Vs and Ss work well to smelt a sharp, deadly blade, one that causes those deep, blood-letting vicissitudes all along your body.

5. Glib. Glib is snot. Let's face it. When you describe someone as glib, you're putting on a façade. You're telling people that you find someone to be fluent or talkative, but insincere. What you really mean is that they're snot. Actual snot. You think that that person is a disgusting glob of mucus dripping over the earth. The dictionary backs me up here. It's telling me that "glib" comes from the German "glibberig," which means "slimy." I'm not surprised. Don't beat around the bush here; call the spade a spade. Let's stop calling snot insincere and start calling it snot. Okay, guys? Okay. Now let's get to Frindle-ing.

7 comments:

  1. http://i.imgur.com/uun2L.gif
    --Robert

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    Replies
    1. omg why wont that gif stoppppppp? its too scary!
      also trope isn't a candy, it's what one would call the scene of a lynching.
      --Eliot

      Delete
  2. I call bullshit on your Who We Are. Why do you get to be on it twice?

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  3. Because, Nick, when you combine the words blue and white, phonetically it comes out as blight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I looked up blight, and I am not happy with you.
      --Robert

      Delete
  4. Smelt is a type of fry-like fish that is fried whole and eaten.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Also see santorum, romney, and gingrich

    ReplyDelete