Sunday, April 8, 2012

Robert - Unforgivable

Roommates, what is this?

Did you think I wouldn't notice? Did you think this wouldn't irreparably ruin my toilet experience? What kind of sick joke are you getting off on?

This is not how you put toilet paper on a toilet paper spinner. It would've been so easy, so easy, to flip it around before attaching it, and you know it. Are you mad because I haven't bought toilet paper in a while? Because I brought two fresh rolls from home after break, and believe me, they're so thick and soft it's like wiping with a marshmallow,* which more than makes up for the lack of quantity of rolls. You probably noticed when there was about a week there when our toilet paper didn't immediately dissolve upon human touch. Where did you think that toilet paper came from?

Is it because I haven't done the dishes in a while? Because that's completely unrelated, and if that's the case, then you're sending confusing messages.

It can't be because you're simply not intelligent enough to realize the difference between a forward-rolling roll and a backward-rolling roll. I'm sure you're just as frustrated as I am when you have to occasionally reach those extra inches to the little butt crack created by the intersection of roll and wall and pull out toilet paper from underneath. It's just an unattractive look, honestly. Who's still going to want to go to the bathroom after they walk in and see that? Not me, and that's why I simply haven't for the last few days.** It's getting uncomfortable. Please change it.

You really know how to hurt me, roommates. Do it right.

*Except less sticky
**Conor, we should also go 7 days without bathrooms this summer


  1. What else are you and Conor going seven days without?

  2. Sleep, followed by potentially the rest of the summer without friendship.

  3. Oh god I want no part in this. Eternal 4am Conor.