Thursday, May 19, 2011

Irrational Fears

by Brendan Cavanagh

I have three irrational fears. But if you take into account the events that precipitated each fear, then maybe they're not so irrational.  Maybe...they are, in fact, rational.


Growing up, my family returned every summer to the Knights of Columbus pool.  Once I hit puberty, I became dissatisfied with the maximum depth of the pool- four feet, four inches.  But I kept going anyway.  One year, I decided, "Hey I should wear goggles underwater so my eyes won't burn and I'll be able to accurately see what goes on down there!"  What was I thinkinnnnnggg?  Upon donning those goggles I was exposed to the invisible filth of the floor of the pool, and somehow that floating around on top and in the corners- hair, garbage and BAND-AIDS!!  I felt like the people in Plato's allegory of the cave, unable to return to my prior state of innocence and blindness.  I don't even like to wear fresh band-aids anymore.  I'm scarred for life, and that is a wound that cannot be healed with the help of a band-aid.

Opening Presents in Front of the Giver

Don't get me wrong, I love receiving presents.  But I have this inexplicable anxiety when I have to open them in front of the person who gave them to me during the mandatory present-opening ceremony that takes place at every one of my family birthday parties.  I guess I feel like my display of enthusiasm and appreciation is too phony, and I think in a way my anxiety actually does make my zeal less believable.  I get so worried that the giver will think they've chosen the wrong gift and thus pity themselves and their gift selection.  I think it all started when I was a kid and my aunt gave me a copy of N*Sync's No Strings Attached, which I already had.  I definitely appreciated the gesture, but I couldn't being myself to admit that I already had it.  She asked me if I had it yet and I replied with a half-hearted "No!." but I think she figured it out.

Ziploc Bags With Air Still in Them

Just don't like 'em.  Weird-looking.  Also I worry about conservation of space in the fridge.

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