I really hate people. I also really hate Facebook. Despite these facts I still constantly check Facebook tosee what people are doing and saying. Almost masochistic. Sometimes I even click on the "most recent" button on my homepage just so I can see what people are saying right at this moment and criticize it as soon as it gets posted. For today's post I have decided to go to my "most recent" items on my news feed and comment on what I see. I have yet to look at what's there so let's hope this turns out to be interesting.
Status: "The mothership has landed"
-Awesome. Cryptic messages that only you understand in an attempt to make you sound interesting. Unfortunately I have no idea why you said that so I do not find it interesting at all and immediately ignore it. NICE TRY.
19 friends changed their profile pictures
-In what universe would this be remotely interesting news to anyone. Does any one see one of these posts and actually check to see who changed their profile picture? Certainly not. If I care what your profile picture is, I'll just go to your page later and look through all of them just like I do every night. Stop acting like you know who I want to creep on Facebook.
Status: "I could funnel a quart of chocolate milk right now"
-That's actually really impressive. This was a girl by the way. I'd like to see that.
Status: "Yes just submitted my application to Toys R Us"
-Yeah I bet that job sounds awesome to you right now. What a hilarious thing to put on your resume for years to come. What an interesting conversation starter when people ask where you work. In the meantime you work in a big warehouse full of unsettling dolls and plastic nerf guns. Enjoy dealing with the complaints of angry parents who think it's your fault that their kid broke a toy. Oh, and don't forget to to clean up all the crap that 4 year old just threw on the ground in aisle 3.
Status: " Everytime I leave Illinois...all I can think about is how I need to make it permanent....in Oregon now...this place is truly majestic"
-Illinois is not the worst place in the world but I completely agree. I have no intention of living here when I am an adult and Oregon is pretty bad ass. Really I don't plan on living anywhere permanently until I'm about 40 years old. Dis gurl know wat up!!!
Status: "Girls night!!"
-Number one: who has girls nights? What are we, married women who need time away from the husband they live with day in and day out? Nope. You are a 19 year old girl who wants to play dress up. Number two: no one on Facebook cares who you are hanging out with tonight. No one gained anything in learning that you aren't going to be hitting on any dudes tonight. In fact, I feel a bit more vapid and superficial after reading that and the comments that ensued. They were there, I couldn't help myself.
Any status that involves a "see more" hyperlink.
-I really don't care that much and I am certainly not going to click on that hyperlink. Now the part I did read makes no goddamn sense. Brevity please!
Status: "What?! Vanessa Carlton is using My Morning Jacket's drummer. I always knew it was ok to have all her albums."
-Wow. Carrie is super lame. Am I right??
Random girl added 54 new photos to SuMeRtImE 2011 <3<3
-Again, if I feel like going through a hundred of your photos, I will, but Facebook does not need to try to guess whose photos I will be looking through. I'm super not interested in a thousand picture of girls in full length dresses and corsages. Shocker, I know.
Status: " HuRdLeS are DONE!!!! YAY!!!! Tonight was AMAZING!!!! I'm soo honored to be working with such amazing and talented Freshies!!! I love you all sooo much!!! ♥ ♥ Now... the waiting game begins!"
To sum this up; I'm a hater. And haters gonna hate, ya know? It doesn't mean I don't still want to be friends with you (Carrie). I hope you enjoyed my venting and if you were in any way offended, just know that I was kicked out of a pool hall/bar tonight so I'm just in the hatin' kind of mood.
Peace out Classics.